Jesus Comes Down

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

JESUS COMES DOWN FROM THE CROSS!!!

by Jack D. Sypal

Dateline: Jerusalem, April 14, 18:01:19:42

I was sitting at my desk yesterday, cleaning up some details left over from my conversation with Bro’ Pete, when a commotion erupted in the outer patio of The AngelUS Trumpet. It turned out to be the Thunder Brothers, James and John. Having read Bro’ Pete’s interview in yesterday’s paper, they claimed to be enraged, making charges that “Bro’ Pete always thinks the story is about him” and “He leaves out half of the info!” Demanding equal time, John said, “Everybody knows that the Jam-Man loved me best.”
“No way,” James retorted.
John challenged, “Way. If he didn’t love me best, then why did he entrust the care of Mummsy to me? Answer me that, if you can?”
“Are you going to pull that, ‘The Jam-Man entrusted Mummsy to me’ thing again? You know that is because you were the only one who managed to slip past the guards. And why was that? Let me tell you why. It was because I was distracting them. Yeah, that’s right. I was distracting the guards so that the rest of you could sneak in and find out what was happening. Don’t give me this, ‘The Jam-Man loved me best,’ camel spit. He loved all of us.”
John mumbled, “Yeah, but he loved me best.”
James said, “We can argue about that later.”
Addressing me finally, James said, “What we want is equal time. All you got was the part that Rocky told you. There is so much more. And yeah, Little Brother here is the one to tell you because I distracted the guards so that he could be there. Tell him, Little Brother.”
“Okay, okay, but quit calling me Little Brother. And none of this ‘Little John” or Johnny stuff. You know I prefer Jack. “
Turning to me, James said, “Hey, Jack, you don’t know Jack, do ya? Well, this is my brother. He thinks that he’s Jack.”
“Stop that. I can do without your sniping and innuendos.”
“What?’ James queried. ‘I didn’t say anything; I just introduced you.”
John replied, “You know what Mom always says, ‘It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.’”
James said, “Just get on with the story.”
“All in good time. Let me tell it my way. Were you there when they crucified him? Were you there when they nailed him to the tree? Were you there when they pierced him in the side? Were you there when they laid him in the tomb? No! Let me tell you, sometimes it causes me to tremble, so let me catch my breath before I tell the story.
“Well, you already know that we met in the upper room for the Jam-Man’s last supper. We didn’t know it then, but that’s what it turned out to be. And you know that the Jam-Man was arrested. You know that Rocky and the Bag Man bailed on him. What you don’t know is that we didn’t so much ditch the Jam-Man as we were being chased. We had the safe room to go to, but we didn’t want to lead any of the soldiers or the temple guards to the house, so we just kept running until we thought that we had shaken them.
“By that time, the trial was pretty much over. Annas had grilled the Jam-Man; Caiphas had gotten his hooks into him; and then they turned him over to Governor Pilate. He was a real piece of work, I’ll tell you. He was one of the most sadistic S.O… people you’d ever want to meet. He could give Caligula some lessons, I tell you.
“But you gotta understand. It was near Passover. People had been coming to town for weeks. There wasn’t a room left to be had. Tiberius had been pretty heavy-handed with the taxes that year, and the Governor was exercising the full power of Roman law.
“Just to show how much power he had, he issued a proclamation that stated, aside from natural causes, Rome had the power of life and death over us. Executions were only allowed if Roman authority had approved them. That’s why Caiphas and his lackeys had to turn the Jam-Man over to the governor. If they had just stoned him, Pilate could have had them crucified instead. It was all so political. Faith and purity of the holy law had nothing to do with it. It was all about power, and who wielded the whip. There were lots of sticks in those days. Very few carrots.
“Anyways, people all over town were afraid. There was more than enough unrest in the streets. People were expecting riots. Tempers were at the boiling point. Both the Romans and the Judeans had a blood lust going. Something had to happen to relieve the pressure.
“So, as I was saying, the Jam-Man was being interrogated by Pilate. That’s what they called it anyways. From time to time, Governor Pilate would come out to see what was happening with the crowd. Each time he came out to talk to the crowd, the crowd had gotten a little bigger.
“And each time the governor looked more nervous. You see, he didn’t want to kill a favored son of the district for fear of revolution. He didn’t want to not kill the Jam-Man because everybody was talking about the Jam-Man as being a King. You know, because they had crowned him the Fools' King in the parade just a few days before. But a king is a king, and the governor couldn’t let it get back to Rome that he was letting another king rule one of Tiberius’ provinces.
“Anyways, the governor said that he just wanted the truth. The Jam-Man tried to tell him that truth is not knowing what truth is, but who truth is, and that he [the Jam-Man] had tried to clear that up weeks ago.
“We got this information from Beloved. I wish I could tell who sh…, he is, but there are still people looking for he…him. The Romans are not happy about some of the leaks that managed to escape from the governor’s palace at the time so Beloved’s identity still needs to be protected. I mean, if people suddenly pushed me on revealing he…his identity I might have to say it is you.
“At any rate, Beloved was able to tell us about the trial and witnessed the treatment of the Roman soldiers—how they dressed him up and beat on him. They made that stupid crown of thorns and put that purple legion robe on him. Then they brought him out to the crowd looking like the Fools' King again, and the people thought that it was all a game. Suddenly the pressure was off. Somehow it wasn’t real, but it was.
“So, when the crowd cried out to crucify him, the governor turned him over to the crowd. Everyone did the little wink-wink thing, but we all knew what was happening.
“So, they took him out to Golgatha [the skull], and they crucified him. There were some other guys that were crucified that day too. You know Rome always wants to go big or go home. Mass executions are A-OK with them, and so the day went on.
“Yeah, James distracted the guards so that some of us could get up there. There was the couple from Cana, Ben and Geri, who came to tell the Jam-Man that Geri was pregnant and that they were going to name their child after him and my brother—Jesse James, if it was a boy, and Jessica Jane, if it was a girl. There was Timaeus, the official whose son was healed; Lazy Larry, who the Jam-Man told to pick up his beggar’s mat and go home; Little Sol, who had the fish and bread that day; I. Seituwell; and Lazarus; besides Mummsy, Clopas’ wife, and Mary Magdalene. Oh, yeah, I was there too.
“We were all standing there in a group, horrified, like we were snake-bit or something, when he saw us. He sorta smiled. I was waiting for him to say something funny like he used to when he got that smiley look on his face. Something like, ‘I can see your house from up here,’ but that’s when he said, ‘Mummsy, there’s your son now.’
“And then, I swear he was looking straight at me, and said, ‘Take care of Mummsy.’  I couldn’t say anything at the time. I suddenly got this big lump in my throat and just nodded my head like an idiot.
“Then he said, ‘I’m thirsty.’ People started running all over pretending that they were looking for a Pepsi or something and then shoved a sponge of watery wine in his face.
“Then he looked out over the crowd and over the city and over the city wall and way out into the distance, and he sort of smiled again. Then he said, ‘It’s done,’ and he died. It was almost peaceful at the end.
“Later the soldiers came and broke the legs of the other guys to help them die faster because Passover was coming, or at least that’s what they said. Personally, I think that Pilate just wanted them to suffer more. They had already gone into that stuporous state before dying, and the broken legs brought them to for a little while.
“But when they came to the Jam-Man, he was already dead. When the soldier didn’t get to break his legs, he got ticked off and threw his spear into his side.
“Finally, Jesus came down from the cross. Joey the Moth (Joseph of Arimathea) and Nicky DiMaosi came and took him down. Then they took him to a nearby garden where Joey knew of a new tomb that had been recently dug. They prepared the body and sealed the tomb.
“We were a pretty sorry group that day. We were pretty sure that the good times weren’t going to roll any more. We found our way back down the hill without arousing the attention of the soldiers and made it back to the safe house. None of us thought that we would make it through the night without somebody diming us out, but of course nobody did.”
Looking out the window, Jack suddenly said, “Oh, man, it’s getting late! Mummsy’s going to be really ticked with us if we’re late for supper again. Bro’ Pete is coming tonight, and Mummsy is making her famous chicken casserole."

To which James retorted, "Hot dish!" 

Ignoring him, John continued, "Thanks for listening to me. There’s a lot more to tell, but we gotta go, just can’t miss supper tonight. Luv ya, man.”

Just like that, they were gone.

Jesus Dies on the Cross

Good Friday

John 19:16b-18, 28-30 (NRSV)  Jesus Dies on the Cross

So they took Jesus; and carrying the cross by himself, he went out to what is called The Place of the Skull, which in Hebrew is called Golgotha. There they crucified him, and with him two others, one on either side, with Jesus between them.

… After this, when Jesus knew that all was now finished, he said (in order to fulfill the scripture), “I am thirsty.” A jar full of sour wine was standing there. So they put a sponge full of the wine on a branch of hyssop and held it to his mouth. When Jesus had received the wine, he said, “It is finished.” Then he bowed his head and gave up his spirit.

A few years ago I saw a proverb that read, “Cry, and you cry alone. Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Smile, and everyone wonders what you’re up to.”

How we think about the three words near the end of John’s Gospel, “It is finished,” says a lot about how we think about the rest of the Gospel and God’s kingdom.
Many people throughout the centuries have understood them as saying, “My life is over.” But Jesus’ life isn’t over; there is more to come. God is not done with Jesus’ life, or with us yet. It is true that Jesus dies on the cross. It is difficult to understand, but God truly dies. But when we hear these words, it is important to remember the beginning of John’s Gospel (“In the beginning was the Word”).
It is important because we need to remember what that Word brings. It brings the creation of the universe and everything in it. God’s Word creates us.
But the word “finished” in Greek is teleo. The teleo “finished” does not carry the hopeless, final statement death usually carries. This is more like getting the last bale made and covered, or maybe, finishing the yard work just before the rain begins. One can look back over the day and say teleo, “Well, that got done just in time.”
This understanding of teleo—finished or accomplished—conveys in Jesus’ words a much more complex, but satisfying, conclusion. They do not only speak of the end of Jesus’ life, but they point to a completion of our salvation.
Teleo provides a faithful conclusion to the first words of John (the beginning words of creation and all that is to be), just as God’s words of being finished conclude creation: “Thus the heavens and the earth were finished, and all their multitude.” (Genesis 2:1-3 NRSV)
More than that, as the fulfillment of Scripture, Jesus’ teleo “finished”, introduces the possibility of the resurrection, re-creation world, “all has been accomplished—made ready. Let’s go forth making disciples of all nations.”
As God spoke our world into creation and acknowledged the end of work each day, recognizing the work and declaring it good, so Christ on the cross surveys the world at his feet and says, “it is teleo—finished.” I can’t help but think that he smiled.

Prayer

In the midst of life and death, Lord, help us know accomplishment at the end of each day, hope for tomorrow, and joy in the present moment. Lord, help us smile so that the world wonders what you are up to. Amen

Jesus’ Last Supper and Arrest

Maundy Thursday—The Beginning of the Great Three Days

Matthew 26:26-30, 36, 47-50 NRSV    Jesus’ Last Supper and Arrest

While they were eating, Jesus took a loaf of bread, and after blessing it he broke it, gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is my body.” Then he took a cup, and after giving thanks he gave it to them, saying, “Drink from it, all of you; for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. I tell you, I will never again drink of this fruit of the vine until that day when I drink it new with you in my Father’s kingdom.”
   When they had sung the hymn, they went out to the Mount of Olives.
   Then Jesus went with them to a place called Gethsemane; and he said to his disciples, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.”
   While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the twelve, arrived; with him was a large crowd with swords and clubs, from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had given them a sign, saying, “The one I will kiss is the man; arrest him.” At once he came up to Jesus and said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him. Jesus said to him, “Friend, do what you are here to do.” Then they came and laid hands on Jesus and arrested him.


We may never know what hymn the disciples sang the night of Jesus’ arrest, but scholars assume it was one of the Passover hymns. We might sing Go to Dark Gethsemane, but maybe we should sing All Who Hunger, Gather Gladly.
All who hunger, gather gladly; Holy manna is our bread./Come from wilderness and wand’ring. Here in truth we will be fed./You who yearn for days of fullness, all around us is our food./Taste and see the grace eternal./Taste and see that God is good.
This hymn reminds us that we are not stuck in the historical past. We are not crucifying Jesus again. We are living in the historical present. Like looking at a picture from long ago, we remember the event while living in the present now.

We remember the Exodus from Egypt and the many wilderness trials, and we celebrate the gift from heaven—life-giving bread. We know that the Way, the Truth and the Life of Christ feeds us in our lives today, So we come to taste and see God’s goodness, not at the Passover meal, but at Christ’s thanksgiving dinner table.
There is nothing magical about what Jesus does. He takes a common loaf of bread and a simple cup of wine to share with his disciples. But in the blessing, breaking and sharing with thanks­giving to God for the fruits of the earth, something extraordinary happens. We receive Christ’s body and blood—the elements of life itself—a miracle, a sign of God’s care for us.
We witness Christ going to dark Gethsemane and hear him asking for the cup to be taken away. But even now, we celebrate life in Christ because Christ took the cup and went to the cross; the reality of the resurrection is the world we live in. Christ has made our salvation possible. We may betray Christ’s love for us, but the world of forgiveness and eternal life is ours because of these three days.
All who hunger, sing together, Jesus Christ is living bread./Come from loneliness and longing. Here in peace we have been fed./Blest are those who from the table live their days in gratitude./Taste and see the grace eternal. Taste and see that God is good.

Prayer

Thanks be to you, my lord, Jesus Christ,

For all the benefits that you have given me;

For all the pains and insults you have borne for me.

O, most merciful redeemer, friend and brother,

May I know you more clearly;

Love you more dearly;

And follow you more nearly.

(St. Richard of Chichester, 1253)

CORRECTION--JESUS LOVES! Retrospective Roominations

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

CORRECTION--JESUS LOVES!

Retrospective Roominations

by Jack D. Sypal

Dateline: Rome, April 13, 13:01:38

In this year of the double nickels, as our new emperor, Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, continues to fiddle with Senate relations, foreign policy,  and social welfare inequalities at home; as cases of heartburn increase because our beloved emperor refuses to give up his music career and accept the responsibilities of governing the empire like an adult; as our most excellent emperor releases his Greatest Lyre Hits with original rap lyrics under the tag NC CAG & the Luminaries and fires up the crowds with his roof-top concerts (featuring hits like Nero, My God is Me; I Walk in the Garden when Stoned;  Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire; his Consort concert tribute to an old flame, Ablazing Grace; and the original groove of, Burning Down the House), this reporter thought to look back at some of the events that have helped to shape our world today.
One of the most consistent challenges to Roman authority continues to be The Way, that Jesus movement that gained great traction after the Jesus crucifixion event over twenty years ago. It has spread from a minor public execution site outside of Jerusalem to major urban centers throughout the kingdom including Rome itself. Six years have passed since Emperor Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus attempted to eradicate the insidious, insurrectionist movement by edict. That act failed; today, the movement seems to be alive and doing fine.
I originally hoped to interview some of the earliest Jesus followers before their stories vanish like smoke on the morning breeze, but did not expect to be able to interview a first shaper of what we have come to know as the Christian movement. I caught up with Brother Simon, aka Cephas, aka Peter (Bro’ Pete), in a little wine bar down the street from the Aetna Mountaineering Outfitters, Persian Rug Emporium, Ye Olde Turke Coffee Shoppe & Frank’s Sensible Perfumery owned and operated by Prisca and Aquilla.
After I bought a skinful of wine for Bro’ Pete, he started to regale me with some of the amazing fish stories of his life with Jesus of Nazareth and afterwards. Don’t let him get started on the tuna story. Following is his account of the sequence of events that led to what he affectionately calls The Rolling Stone GenExt.
Bro’ Pete claims, “It started one night when the bunch of us had reserved this private dining room above our local hangout in Jerusalem. All of us were there. There was Nate the Great (Nathaniel); Drew (Andrew); the bag man (Judas); Phil the Pill (Philip); Ditto (Thomas); me, of course (they called me Rocky in those days); and the Jam-Man. Most people thought we called him J.C., but he preferred Messiah. I know, Messiah means Christ, but Messiah was what he liked. J.M. was too hard to say, so we did what all good Jewish guys do with consonants, we added a vowel. Once the a got put in there, man just seemed a natural extension. And it really fit because he was always riffing on some old teaching and finding new ways of saying things—like jazz you know?
“Anyways, the Jam-Man and the rest of us guys were waiting for the servant girl; I think her name was Mandy—yeah, that was it, Mandy Tirsveh. She was supposed to come in and wash our feet, but nothing was happening. All of a sudden, the Jam-Man got up and started curtsying and was taking off his robe and stuff. It was pretty hilarious actually. Then he took a towel and tucked it into his waist band, took the basin of water and knelt down to do the washing himself.
“(By the way, do you know the difference between a bison and a buffalo? You can’t wash your feet in a buffalo. Pretty good, huh?)
“Okay then. When the Jam-Man got to me, I thought that I would yuck it up a little. I said, ‘Not just my feet. Wash my face and my hands, too.’ That’s when things got serious. It had all been good times up to then. We all knew the serious stuff was happening the next day, what with Passover and all, so we were just blowing off a little steam.
“Anyways, Mandy eventually showed up. She served the food, and supper was going along until the Jam Man said that one of us was going to betray him. Really, it would have been more accurate if he had said that we all were going to betray him because, you know, we all did. But when he told us that one of us was going to betray him, we all said that it couldn’t be one of us. Then, the Jam-Man dipped bread in the dessert wine and gave the first bite to the Bag Man. Then the Jam-Man said, ‘The betrayer has dipped his bread in the wine with me.’ And that was that. The Bag Man looked at all of us, and then he ran out of the room.
“I was feeling pretty large at the moment—a good meal, good wine, in the midst of my bros, and I had just dodged the bullet. Yeah, I was feeling pretty large. I said, ‘Now that that’s done, you know you can count on me. I’d never betray you. You know I’ve always got your back, don’t you?’
“That’s when he told me that I would deny him three times before the cock crowed. I told him that I would lay down my life for him! I meant it, too! I never intended to leave him in the lurch! I just got scared. Know what I mean?
“After the Bag Man left, the Jam-Man sat back and got all reflective. He kept looking at the door the Bag Man had left by, like he was waiting for him to come back, but he didn’t. Then he said, ‘You know I love you guys, don’t you? Well, I need to tell you this. You guys have some hard times ahead of you. My time is now, but your time is still coming. It’s important that you find ways to continue to love one another. Your love for one another is how the world is going to know you. So, remember to love one another.’
“And then, he looked even more distant than ever, like he’d had one glass of wine too many, and, in this far-off voice, he said, “Even Judas.” That shook us because he called him Judas and not the Bag Man. We all thought, like we wouldn’t love the Bag Man? The Bag Man was irritating and odd at times, but he was our little oddity, and we never doubted that he was one of us. How things can change…how things can change. We really didn’t know.
“Anyway, we got done with supper, and we went to the Garden. The Jam-Man got arrested when the soldiers and the temple police showed up.
“We started out following at a distance, and so we saw where they took him. One of us, Beloved, we called him—he was the secret disciple that kept us informed of stuff going on in the Jerusalem priesthood set—convinced the servant girl keeping the door that night into letting me in to the courtyard of Annas’ house.
“That’s when everything hit me. I was surrounded by all these soldiers and Jerusalem elites. I knew that they could have me arrested too by just raising their voices. So, when they asked if I was a disciple, I said, ‘No way.’
“So much for laying down my life, huh? It wasn’t bad enough that I denied being a disciple of his once, I did it three times. and then the rooster crowed.
“You know, the Jam-Man kept saying that his time was not up, his time wasn’t up, and then he suddenly changed his tune. Then it was, “My time is up. My time is now, and it’s going to be great, glorious, revealing.” We didn’t have a clue.
“Now, of course, I know what he meant. So much is clearer today. But back then? I didn’t have a clue. So many of us sat at that table that night, and none of us had a clue. But afterwards we got it—got it well enough to say that we could lay down our lives, not for the Jam-Man, he laid down his life for us—but to lay down our lives for the sake of those that come next.
“That’s why I like to call this movement The Rolling Stone GenExt. It’s all about making the difference for the kingdom today and preparing the kingdom for those who come next.
“I gotta tell you. The supper we had that night was great. Whenever I sit down with friends to a meal like that, I always remember the days of the Jam-Man, and it’s like he’s really there with me. It’s a little spooky, but it feels good. You know what I mean?
“Somehow or other though, I just can’t eat chicken anymore.
“Well, thanks for the wine. I gotta go. Luv ya, man,”
With that said, Bro Pete put the bota skin on the table, got up and walked away. He seemed to vanish in the crowd. Reports continue concerning Bro Pete’s activities in the area. Rumor has it that he will soon be a papa.

Barefoot in the Dark

Wednesday in Holy Week

John 13:1-5, 12-15 (NRSV)       Jesus Washes the Disciples’ Feet

Now before the festival of the Passover, Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart from this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end. The devil had already put it into the heart of Judas son of Simon Iscariot to betray him. And during supper Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into his hands, and that he had come from God and was going to God, got up from the table, took off his outer robe, and tied a towel around himself. Then he poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and to wipe them with the towel that was tied around him.

 

After he had washed their feet, had put on his robe, and had returned to the table, he said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call me Teacher and Lord—and you are right, for that is what I am. So if I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have set you an example, that you also should do as I have done to you.

In Jesus’ day, feet were more visible than they are today. People did not wrap their feet in socks and shoes. If they wore anything, they wore sandals. Yet, most authorities say that the majority of people walked bare-footed.

This meant that peoples’ feet were always dirty. And as any of you who live on farms know, we leave our barn boots on the back porch for a reason. No wonder the polite thing to do was to have one of the servants wash the feet of visitors to the house—after all you never know where those feet have been.

It would have been proper for one of the disciples to have washed Jesus’ feet, but here we see the order of the world being turned upside down. Jesus washes his disciples’ feet and tells us that we should do the same.

There are going to be some dirty, stinky jobs that are going to need to be done for the health and welfare of God’s community. So let’s step up and be prepared to work. We can’t look for someone else to do the job for us. In his paper on Christian Liberty, Luther says, “We are to be Lord of all, servant to none, and servant to all and Lord of none.”

We can never lose sight of the fact that Jesus is our Lord, and we know this because he loved all he met, even you and me.

Prayer

Thank you for your love and concern, Lord. Thank you for caring for us enough to even wash the stink from our feet. May we always know the fresh-smelling cleanness of life in your presence. Amen

Cloak and Dagger

Tuesday in Holy Week

Matthew 26:3-5, 14-16 (NRSV)            People plot to kill Jesus

Then the chief priests and the elders of the people gathered in the palace of the high priest, who was called Caiaphas, and they conspired to arrest Jesus by stealth and kill him. But they said, “Not during the festival, or there may be a riot among the people.”
Then one of the twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, “What will you give me if I betray him to you?” They paid him thirty pieces of silver. And from that moment he began to look for an opportunity to betray him.

Judas is given the role of the ultimate cloak and dagger man. In various places one finds that the very name of Judas Iscariot may indicate the type of person he was. Sikarios, which means assassin in Greek, is thought by some to be the root of Judas’ name. Others think that his name simply means man from Kerioth. If this is the case, then Judas would have been the only disciple from Judea (an interesting sidelight, but not as interesting as a silent assassin).

Just below the surface of our consciousness, the assassin image has held on. The sikarios is not a regular killer either. He carries a concealed weapon. The sikarios uses a dagger or short sword carried under his cloak.
If this assassin characterization is true, then Judas may be an unwilling assassin. He like all of the disciples tries to repudiate Jesus’ claim that they will betray him, but we are told that in some way each of the disciples betrays Jesus. Even Peter, the most adamant, denies Jesus three times.
Later, Judas, like a child who has stolen a candy bar from the store and then feels remorse, tries to undo what he has done. We know the rest of the story.
Remember the mark of the sikarios is the hidden sword. Could we already have an indica­tion of his remorse when we read, “Suddenly, one of those with Jesus put his hand on his sword, drew it, and struck the slave of the high priest, cutting off his ear.”? (Matthew 26:51 NRSV).
Tradition says it was someone else, but we don’t know who the nameless disciple was. So we may read the story this way, and give Judas greater integrity. But what we do know is that his remorse was so great that he could not live with the consequences of his actions.

Prayer

Lord, it is easy to see the speck in our neighbor’s eye. Help us recognize the logs in our own. Forgive us for not always bearing witness to your presence in our lives. Amen

Oh, Craps

Monday in Holy Week

 

Matthew 21:12–17 (NRSV)        Jesus Cleanses the Temple

Then Jesus entered the temple and drove out all who were selling and buying in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves.  He said to them, “It is written,

‘My house shall be called a house of prayer’;

but you are making it a den of robbers.”

The blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he cured them.  But when the chief priests and the scribes saw the amazing things that he did, and heard the children crying out in the temple, “Hosanna to the Son of David,” they became angry and said to him, “Do you hear what these are saying?” Jesus said to them, “Yes; have you never read,

‘Out of the mouths of infants and nursing babies

you have prepared praise for yourself’?”

He left them, went out of the city to Bethany, and spent the night there.

 

I was surprised to find out that the first 7-Eleven store was started in Las Vegas, and the name is from gambling (craps). I always thought the name came from the store hours, seven to eleven.

In this reading about the cleansing of the Temple, Jesus gives us another 7/11. The 7 is the seventh verse of Isaiah 56 which concludes, “for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all people.”

Isaiah, writing hundreds of years before Jesus, already spoke God’s vision for creation. God’s house is a place where the concerns of all nations and nationalities are considered important. It’s no wonder God cannot be contained within the walls of some building; God’s house is greater than creation itself, but creation is the limit of our understanding.

In Isaiah 66 we hear God speaking, “Heaven is my throne and earth is my footstool.” Creation is a small part of God’s house indeed. God’s house is greater than we can imagine, and it is to be a place of prayer, a place where we raise up the needs of all peoples.

The 11, unfortunately, is the eleventh verse of Jeremiah 7. “But you have made it a den of robbers.” How easy it is to read this text and forget that we ourselves are part of the story. God’s house, the creation that is only a footstool, has become the place of war and profiteering. We work so hard at trying to get the most we can for ourselves, and we pay the price—$2.25 gasoline, $2.99 bread, young people dying for their country, and thousands who go to bed hungry each night.

There is a sigh of relief in our voices when we say those people didn’t understand who Jesus was, but do we? Jesus’ words are as frightening to us today as they were almost 2000 years ago.

Prayer

Lord, you know our needs. Help us work for the welfare of all your people. Teach us to see your face in our enemies and help us share the abundance of your footstool. Amen

Matthew 27:11-56 The Good Old Days

This is Palm Sunday. Or, this is Passion Sunday. Or, this is Palm and Passion Sunday.

It doesn’t seem that long ago when this day announced Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem and the world around us sort of stopped. Some of us may have been part of the tradition of going to worship every day during Holy Week. More of us remember the worship services of Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and then Easter Sunday. Even the people who only came to church twice a year thought of Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter as being one time instead of three separate times. Those that we knew of as the Christmas/Easter worshippers showed up for the great Easter parade.

One older lady once told me, “I loved Easter because that was when I got my new Sunday dress for the year.” She later told me of a day when she was little when she was naughty and had accidently fallen before worship that Easter and had torn her new dress. She said, “I had to wear that beautiful dress with the patch in the front for the rest of the year.”

In many ways those days were simpler, but those days also had their challenges. For instance, for this one woman, wearing that dress with the patch was not so much a punishment as it was the reality of not having enough money for another dress.

In her own wisdom, she told me one day, “I’m not sure that they were the good old days. I think that they were just the days I grew up in. I remember thinking that where we lived was everything until the Great War broke out. Then there was the flu epidemic and the Depression and the Second World War. After that we had a few good years until Korea came along. Then it was time for my boys to go to war. Then there was Vietnam, and after that I was old. People keep telling me that life was so much better then, but I’m not so sure. I like turning the faucet on and getting water. I like turning the light switch and having light without having to trim the lantern wicks. I am definitely too old to be trekking across the backyard at night in January for the privy. Life may have been simpler, but it was harder.”

 
Of course, life goes on. The clock continues to measure time, but it doesn’t tick so much anymore. Still, there are events that continue to hold us in time and in place. These events and the stories that accompany them continue to shape us and give our lives meaning. Today is one of those days.

Today we hear the story of Jesus’ entry into Jerusalem and the story of his trial and crucifixion. It is a stark story of great love, compassion, and dedication. Today, we don’t tell everything that happens, but we whet your appetite for hearing the details of our faith story during the rest of the week. Yes, it is stark. It is brutal at times, and yet there is an end that is worth waiting for.

This is the beginning of that great story that continues to open and unfold like spring flowers, in techno-color and sweet smelling perfume. It is the story that takes us into the empty times of death and rises up into spectacular visions of hope and promise. It is our story of joy, confusions, despair, and hope for a better future. It is our faith story that neither longs for a time that was, nor does it naively anticipate a so much better future. It is our story of life lived, day by day with the assurance of Christ’s loving and caring presence among us.

It is not a love and caring that does not know the reality of our pain, for this week we witness Christ’s crucifixion suffering for us. It is not a love and caring that is without temptation, for we remember Jesus’ wilderness time. It is not a love and caring that is without anxiety, for we will witness Christ’s prayer in the garden of Gethsemane asking to have the cup removed. It is not a love and caring that is given without alienation, for we will see his disciples fall asleep while Jesus prays, betray him, deny him, and, finally, abandon Jesus altogether at the cross. It is not a love and caring that comes without knowing limitation, for Jesus dies on the cross.

It is a time of mysteries. It is a time when we shout with the crowds, “Hosanna!”, that is, Lord save us, and then cringe as the crowd cries out to have Jesus crucified. It is in the mystery of this day that we can say that although Jesus is fully dead on the cross, yet today he lives. His love and caring does not end at the tomb, but it continues to sustain us as we live our lives each day. It is a time when we seriously ask ourselves, “Were the good old days really that good? Or, is it that good has come out of the old days and that goodness is what we long to claim and remember?

Whatever we call this day, Palm or Passion Sunday, it is the day the Lord has made for us. Let us rejoice and be glad.

RENEGADE RABBI RAMPAGE

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

 

RENEGADE RABBI RAMPAGE

by Matt Hughes

Dateline: Jerusalem, April 9, 21:01:17

Continuing unrest is reported in Jerusalem. The latest, an impromptu demonstration protesting both Roman rule and Temple practices, erupted Sunday morning. The renegade rabbi, Jesus of Nazareth, was seen in the midst of the mob riding a donkey and leading a colt. His personal associates allegedly illegally appropriated said animals earlier in the day. 

The gathering crowd, upon recognizing Jesus, called for the restoration of King David’s throne and threw articles of clothing as well as palm branches before him. Many heralded the renegade rabbi with shouts of “Lord, save us” and “Lord from the highest heaven”.

Jesus, upset by temple business, which fleeces many Passover pilgrims, entered the temple court of the gentiles. The rampaging rabbi drove out buyers and sellers, overturned tables of the temple moneychangers, and released many of the sacred, sacrificial animals. The resulting cloud of pigeons anointed many underneath.

In the midst of the turmoil, this reporter interviewed a demonstrator, one Simon Tanner. When asked if he knew the leader, he replied, “This is the prophet, Jesus of Nazareth from Galilee.” Some beggars from the temple gates also came into the temple grounds claiming that they had been blind and lame but Jesus had healed them. Street urchins ran among the demonstrators adding to the confusion, shouting, “Hosanna to the son of David.”

Having created chaos, Jesus of Nazareth withdrew with his looters to an unknown location in Bethany where he was hidden from authorities.

Jesus of Nazareth is a recalcitrant rabbi who has appeared on the scene from time to time. If you see this renegade rabbi, do not listen to him or come into close contact with him. It is unlikely that this troubled teacher would inflict injury, but he has been known to change people’s lives without considering future consequences. Jack D. Sypal continues to follow several lawsuits people have brought as a result of these actions.

Like today, this man disappears before authorities can apprehend him. Since he is likely to return to the Temple area and grounds in the future, Rome and Temple authorities are asking for your help. They urge you to immediately notify the Temple guard or any Roman soldier. Claims that he is the new King of the Jews continue to perplex politicos and ruffle Roman feathers. Whispers of treason abound.

Remembering the Future John 11:1-53

I am sure that many of you have heard the story of Lazarus coming out of the tomb, or parts of it, numerous times. You have probably heard it at funerals, in general sermons, through your personal Bible reading, and possibly in study groups. If this is the first time that you have heard it, I welcome you into some of the most encouraging and heartening passages of the New Testament. At the same time these are some of the most troubling and confusing passages.

This past week, I was again amazed by the number of shifts in time that take place and the bizarre behavior on Jesus’ part. To begin, we hear John tell the story of Mary to identify her: you know, she is the one who anointed Jesus with oil and wiped his feet with her hair, even though in the narrative of John’s Gospel, we will not be told of Mary anointing Jesus until the next chapter.

As I was reading, I noticed how the verbs do not always agree with the rest of the context of the sentences and that there are other allusions to events that have not occurred. Yet we, as the readers and hearers of this story, both when it was written and today, are to remember the future has already happened.

We hear that Lazarus is sick and a message is sent to Jesus to inform him of the fact with the desire that he come immediately. Does Jesus go to this person he loves? No. He decides to stay where he is for two more days. In the background of our “already, but not yet” memories, we hear “And on the third day, he was raised up from the dead.” But wait, that is not Lazarus; that is Jesus.  

Lazarus is four-days-dead when Jesus and the disciples arrive outside the village, outside the house of Martha and Mary. When Jesus tells Martha that Lazarus will rise again, she looks ahead to the future, to the coming messiah. Jesus tells her that the resurrection is not something to come; it is before her in that moment. Jesus says, “I am I am, the resurrection.” This is not some future thing that will happen; it is loaded with the history of the “I Am” of Moses encountering the burning bush, and it is happening again as Jesus speaks with Martha and as we hear it.

Then we come to that classic line all translators of this text wrestle with. Jesus looks to heaven and says, “I knew that you always hear me.” This past tense certainty comes with a present tense understanding “for the sake of the people standing here”, both those hearing Jesus that day and throughout time. This construct that begins in the past has a life in the present of the speaking that assumes the future of all of you gathered here today.  It is nothing short of spectacular how this short passage prefigures our language of Eucharistic mystery, “Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again.” We feel, more than hear, that “Jesus’ time has not yet come”, in the language of John. We are reminded that this story is about Lazarus, meaning God’s mercy.

The next instance is after Martha goes out to meet Jesus when we hear Martha whisper to Mary that Jesus is calling for her and yet there is no evidence in the text that Jesus has called her.

Then we hear the people respond to Jesus’ question, “Where have you laid him?” with the words that reveal the messiah earlier in John ch. 1, “Come and see.” Yet this time the words “Come and see” are not an invitation to find new life, they are an invitation to witness death—real death—stinking, rotting death. Again, John reminds us that Jesus truly died, but this story is about Lazarus, God’s mercy, not Jesus’ Easter victory.

Or, is it? Amid the seemingly poorly told, mixed-up tenses, and out of sequence events of this story of Lazarus, we encounter resurrection and the resurrected one who has the power to destroy death, to raise the dead of the world from their places of death into new life. We encounter the one who has the authority to command the stone to be removed from the tomb and lay it as the foundation stone of what is to come. In this spectacular way, we are called to remember, not the past, but the future. For the world of the resurrection is all about seeing the possibilities of what is to come—the realization of hope in the future, a world of anticipating  the true state of nothing separating us from God’s “Lazarus mercy and love”, that is, God’s everlasting grace.

No wonder that there were some who believed because of what they saw. No wonder there were those who had to go and tell the authorities what was happening. No wonder there were those who thought that this Jesus had to be stopped because, if more people understood that Jesus had the power to put death to death, everybody might come to believe in him.

Several years ago, a pastor I know had a young man who was new to the faith come to her office to tell her that he had enlisted and was being shipped out to Afghanistan. He asked for the prayers of the community while he was gone.

The pastor asked if there was anything else she could do for him before he left. He asked if she could tell him how to get a copy of that book they read from on Sundays. The pastor asked if he meant the book of hymns. He said, “No, that book that you read from every week.”

She said, “You mean the Bible?”

He said he didn’t know, but he would like to get a copy of it to take with him. He thought that he could read it while he was gone. It would remind him of the people he had met at church. She took him into the sanctuary where she gave him their Bible, The Message translation, saying, “This is a gift to you from us. We will get another and read it with you.”

Well, time went by, and the young man came home. He came back to worship and then showed up at the pastor’s office one afternoon. He asked, “Pastor, do other people know about this book?”

“Yes,” the pastor said.

“Do other people read this book?” the young man asked.

“Yes. Why do you ask?” the pastor responded.

“’Cause, after reading it, I couldn’t help but think, if more people read it, it could change the world.”

The writer of John, in this story, challenges us to witness the authority of Jesus who puts death to death. We are called to remember the future—the events that are to come—the world that invites us to imagine life abundantly, hopefully, joyfully, and prayerfully. We are called then, to tell the story in all times and in all places confessing the resurrection of the body and the life of a world, as yet unknown, to come. And so, in those words that we have been taught, we pray, “Your kingdom come. Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” Martin Luther reminds us that God’s will will be done—God’s kingdom will come without us praying for it—but, in this prayer, we pray that we might know, that we might know God’s will and know God’s kingdom on earth as it is in heaven, not sometime in the future, but right here and right now.

This is a precious story that grows when we find ways to share it. Today we heard Brandon join us in telling the story. With his voice, we learn that the story is not only for the old but for the young. And we give thanks for his voice in our midst, that voice of youth and promise.  It is the voice of here and now and the voice of the future. It is another voice that invites us to hear the story of Lazarus’ rising. Telling the story is not about remembering the resurrection in the future but of Christ’s presence in our lives today, lifting us up into new ways of living. It is a story of love and hope that our world needs and longs to hear. It is a message that can change the world. In God’s Lazarus mercy, “Come out!”.

Former Dead Guy Suing Jesus Also!

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET           

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

 

Former Dead Guy Suing Jesus Also!

Dateline: Bethany, April 2, 11:01:12:11

by Jack D. Sypal

Late Friday, Lazarus of Bethany, who we reported Jesus has brought back from the dead, joined I. Seituwell in suing Jesus for unwanted care. There seems to be considerable pushback against this miracle worker’s activities. Speculation has arisen that Lazarus and Seituwell may join forces with others in a class action suit. As political tensions rise and governmental pressures come to bear, could-be followers may choose to seek deep-pocket recompense.

Following is an interview account of the latest person to lay claim against Jesus.

“I mean, I thought [Jesus and I] were close. We had this real bromance going. So, when I was told that Jesus was going off without me, I was really hurt, like cut to the core hurt. I thought that we had something special going on there, and then he was gone with the rest of the guys.

“It wasn’t long after they left me, I was feeling pretty low, and then I got sick. I felt pretty lousy and had to go to bed for the day. My sisters, Mary and Martha, came in with some of that good Jewish penicillin around supper time, but it didn’t seem to be very appetizing. And if you know my sisters’ cooking, you would understand how unusual that was. In the middle of the night, I got this terrible stomachache and sweat started pouring out of me. That is about the last thing I remember for a while.

“My sisters would tell me they sent a message for Jesus to come, but no … I don’t know, maybe the message got crossed up or something, but he thought that he would hang for a couple of days.

Apparently, I got a lot worse. My temperature went sky high. I remember some time on the second day it felt like someone poured ice water in my belly. It hurt a lot; it was excruciating! When I asked my sisters about Jesus, they shook their heads. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t come.

“The next thing I remember, I was being called out. I was in this really peaceful place. I didn’t have any pain, and I was just totally chill, ya know? And then, this annoying voice started calling me out. I really just wanted to lay there. Then I noticed this stink. It was awful. It was sort of like being down at the slaughter yard on a hot day, standing near the fresh hides on one side and the blood pool and feces on the other. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

“And that voice kept nagging me, ‘Lazarus; come out, Lazarus; come out.’

“I finally recognized the voice as my man, but I thought, ‘What the hell? Why is he calling me now? He was the one who left me behind.’

“But finally, the smell got to me and I had to get out of there. That’s when I discovered that I was the smell. When I got out of the cave, I was struck by the sun, and the stench really took on a life of its own. And then I got a whiff of my own breath. Lord have mercy! It was enough to blow a fly off a gut-wagon. You know what I mean?

“Finally, people came and started stripping the wrappings off of me. I had to show my nakedness before all of those people. Public nudity is one thing, but I had pustules erupting on my body and skin sloughing going on. It was pretty disgusting.

“Most people looked at me with horror. They were petulantly pronouncing prognostications of pernicious, purulent, pustule pestilence. Penitents were prostrating themselves on the property, proposing persistent, pietistic popcorn-prayers of propitiation. Everyone was trying to hold their noses, and as soon as they could, they built a proper pyre for burning everything I had on. Even that smelled pretty preposterous.

“I spent hours in the bath trying to scrub the stink off, but after my skin started sliding off, I resorted to wiping my body off in nard. It didn’t get rid of the smell, but it masked it pretty well.

“Everybody thought that it was so cool; that I should be so thankful, but somehow, when I really needed [Jesus], he didn’t show. When I didn’t need him anymore, then he showed up, to do what? Leave me again?

“A couple of nights ago, my sisters invited him to supper; ‘To thank him,’ they said. Apparently I was still smelling pretty bad, so Mary went and got my nard and covered Jesus’ feet with it. The fragrance filled the whole house

“All I could think was, ‘Thanks, sis. Now what am I supposed to do tomorrow?’ I mean the stuff isn’t cheap. We may be wealthy, but we aren’t rich, if you know what I mean.

“Today I find out that there’s a contract out on me. Half the people are treating me like I’m a god, which I’m not; and the other half of the people treat me like I’m this zombie creature who will hex them for the rest of their lives, which I won’t. I can’t go back to work. I’m not even able to hang with my friends. It feels like the bromance is truly over, and I can’t get rid of this stink. If I can’t get my life back, I want pay back.”