THIS GATE SWINGS BOTH WAYS

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET
The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

THIS GATE SWINGS BOTH WAYS

by Jack D. Sypal

Dateline Jerusalem, May 7, 10:01:10

In court Sunday, Jesus of Nazareth (J.o.N.) responded to charges brought by Mr. I. Seituwel of stealing that man’s identity and life. Representing himself, J.o.N. pled innocent to all counts. In his defense, he offered an alternative scenario, confronting our city’s citizens and visionaries as the perpetrators of the theft. Claiming privilege for sheep and shepherds, J.o.N. protested his innocence while charging the greater part of society as thieves and bandits, raising the issue of, “What is a thief and a bandit?” 


In revealing testimony, the Pharisee, Rabbi Dick Highosooner responded, “Thievery is both active and passive. The active thief compels one to give up their possessions by force. The more clever, passive thief obtains wealth and power by withholding what rightfully belongs to the poorer person or to those who are not able to defend their property and rights from more powerful neighbors. This form of thieving and banditry is usually more profitable because it can be done within the law.”


J.o.N. continued to speak out against the people who made the gift of sight he gave to Seituwel a nightmarish, misanthropic reaction of alienating isolation. Claiming himself to be a gate that swings in to allow entrance of sheep and shepherds, then out to allow shepherds and sheep egress to pasture, J.o.N.  challenged Roman citizens and people of Judea, along with the Pharisees, to examine their place and role among those who have a vision of the Kingdom and their participation in it.


As a gate, J.o.N. stated that it was not his intent “to restrict the movement of those whom he protected, but to provide shelter from the storm, safety from the predators of life, to create a safe place for rest so that the flock under his protection could be equipped to go out into the world for pasture community.”


In reply to Seituwel’s charges, J.o.N. pointed to the crowds, accusing them with, “It is this community of gatekeepers that has put the fly in the ointment, the worm in the apple, the stick in the spokes of the wheel. The gift of sight was to make Mr. Seituwel more accepted, but their actions have eventuated further alienation, causing him unintended and unnecessary loss of communal identity. By their suspicious, doubting, abandoning, and faithless, exclusionary behavior, these people stole his community from him and cast him out with less than he had in the first place.” 


“As gatekeepers, they performed their duties flawlessly. They kept everybody out, even those who should be let in. But the other duty of the gatekeeper is to open the gate for those who would enter. In this duty they failed miserably.
“And, it is in their failed duty that they take greatest pride. In their pride, they demonstrate a kind of latch envy—envy of the power of the bolt to imprison the unsuspecting and secure the status quo thus preventing participation in the fullness of life’s opportunities. There is much more to life than Plato’s dismal cave of shadow verisimilitudes. There may be safety inside the walls, but the fullness of life is known in coming out. A gate is the ultimate trans-state between the when of the past, the now of the moment, and the then of the future.”


Then, almost singing, J.o.N. exclaimed, “I am the gate! I swing both ways! I swing back and forth. In comes the Southern breeze or cold wind from the North. The Holy Spirit blows where it wills, and the gate must always be ready to swing in the most advantageous direction for the sake of the sheep and their shepherd. I let the shepherd and the new members of the flock in, and I let the shepherd and the sheep out to feed. I am not a wall that stands fast against the world on the outside while imprisoning those within. I am active in the way to life and growth as well as care and protection.”


In his closing remarks, J.o.N. said, “A gate always leads the way to life. Those who dream of walls only are thieves and bandits seeking personal good at the expense of those contained by walls. They seek to steal, to kill, and to destroy life even crushing the spirit of hope. 


“I am a gate that offers hope always with the promise of abundant life beyond. Don’t you know? The grass is always greener on the other side, and the gate gets you there.”

OH WHERE, OH WHERE, CAN MY RABBI BE?

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

OH WHERE, OH WHERE, CAN MY RABBI BE?

by Jack D. Sypal

Dateline: Jerusalem, April 27, 20:01:18

Over the years there has been much speculation about the relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene. So, I thought that it would only be right as a reporter to seek out another of the first shapers of the Christian movement, Mary herself, to conclude my series on how The Way began. Earlier conversations have been with Peter, James and John, and Thomas.

With the permission and support of The AngelUS Trumpet editorial staff, I caught a ship to Rome and then another to Marseille. From there I caught a pack-train going to Provence where I finally sat down with Mary Magdalene over a light lunch of some very good bread, a so-so wine, and an excellent salad with some home-grown olives.

Following lunch, Mary had the table cleared and then, with another glass of wine in her hand, she looked at me very directly and started to tell me about her life and her part in the Way.

“It seems like it was a different world back then. In many ways, it was. The heel of Rome was lifted against us in Palestine. Between Rome and the temple, taxes were high and life was difficult. My family had some money, but, even so, the powers of Rome, Herod’s taxes, Pilate’s brutality, they all created some tough times.

“The complicity of Annas and Caiaphas, and the rest of the priesthood, was understandable, I suppose; I mean, the priestly robes and head pieces that were used on high holy days were held and closeted by the governor. The priests were only allowed to wear them during the celebrations, and then they had to be returned to the governor’s care.

“It is hard to be independent when you have to go to your oppressor in order to perform your duties for the people and before the Lord. Eventually that kind of control erodes your faith in God and tempts you to think that the emperor and the power of Rome is equal to, or maybe even greater than the power of God. After that, it’s all about money and power, greed and self-aggrandizement.

“We were living in this world of tremendous wealth and of incredible poverty; and that was not by chance, it was by Roman design. The Emperor and his lackeys wanted to be sure that we felt the full power of Rome and knew that we were a conquered nation. They wanted us to know that our very existence as a nation depended on Rome’s pleasure.

“For instance, to demonstrate their power, soldiers would intentionally carry all their belongings with them wherever they went, but they carried their ruck-sack for only a short distance. Then they would impress one of the people in the street to carry it for them.

“We were required by law to carry the burden for a mile. At the end of a mile, the soldier would point to another person who would then have to carry the ruck-sack the next mile. Usually it was just back to the barracks. The whole time the soldiers would be jeering and taunting the person hoping to get him or her to rebel or respond in anger so that the soldier could slap the person down.

“I remember, there were all kinds of messiahs in those days who spoke out against the power of Rome and encouraged the people to rise against the Roman boot. Mostly, they and their followers were quickly seized and executed.

“Among the messiahs was John; he made a big splash for a while. He was baptizing anybody who would repent of their Roman ways and return to the old ways of the law. an ascetic of sorts I guess. He was making a lot of noise, telling us that we needed to stand up and be counted as the children of God, not slaves to Rome.  

“Eventually John got arrested by Herod for denouncing Herod’s marriage to Herodias. Yeah, his mouth eventually got him killed, but that’s another story. What was different about John was that he kept saying, ‘I am not the one. The one you are seeking is coming after me.’ We thought it was a clever way of deflecting attention from himself, but it turned out to be true.

“You see, this rather quiet rabbi showed up. He too was telling us that we needed to stand up for ourselves, but we were to stand up in love for one another. He advocated praying for our enemies and learning ways to lift up the poor. His teachings were not about defying Rome  with force, but resisting Rome with love. If we were impressed by the soldiers for a mile, we should volunteer to carry the burden another mile. We were to forgive the people who were our oppressors and find ways to be an active part of our world.

“I was just a young woman in those days, and I fell in love with what the rabbi was saying. I hadn’t fallen in love with the rabbi, but I really fell hard for what he was saying; and I thought that I could change the world with my good works. Oh yes, there was some hero worship in there, and it was exciting to be seen with him, but I really wasn’t in love with the rabbi. It was more about the movement than the person.

“I thought that, if I threw some of my family’s money at the poor, that the world would be changed, but it wasn’t money that changed the world. I thought that I could really do something for the lesser people; and then I learned that there aren’t any lesser people, only people we think less of. I learned that people had to do the things that brought recognition and dignity for themselves, that I couldn’t just wish it for them. I thought it was about me, but oh how I was wrong.

“In the course of things, I got to know all of the guys [Peter, James, John, Thomas, etc.] pretty well. I even got into their silly name calling. They called me Maggie Mae. It was so serious and so light-hearted at the same time. And, being a woman often alone with men, I got a reputation, but it was all talk.

“As the rabbi’s teaching gathered popularity, the number of followers increased. In time his following got pretty large, more than a hundred of us that got together regularly. There were enough of us that the rabbi was able to send us out to some of the neighboring towns.

“It was wonderful. To do the work of the rabbi was like life itself. We were young. We were enthused. We were the future. It was amazing! It was an education.

“Oh, I almost forgot to mention the wedding and the wine, Lazy Larry, Isaac Seituwel, and Lazarus; those were the flashy moments, but the best part was learning from the rabbi. Do you know how amazing it was for me, a woman, to be allowed to learn from a rabbi? It was heady stuff and I loved every minute of it.                                                                    

 “I learned to think like him and even observed as he taught the other guys what it meant to be a disciple. The look on Philip’s face the day that the rabbi told him to feed the people who had gathered on the hill to hear what the rabbi had to say, it was precious. Then they found little Sol with the fish and the bread, and the rest is history. I don’t care whether you call it a sign or a miracle. It was amazing to watch those people eat their fill and then have leftovers.  It made you think that world hunger could be conquered with a little generosity and some good will. Anyway, it really felt possible that day.

“At the end, things felt like they were falling apart. You know about the last supper. You know about his arrest and the trial. You know that he was crucified and that they laid him in the new tomb in the garden. You know about the total collapse of the movement.

“You can’t believe how we felt when Rome won again. We were used to being sold out by the priesthood and the temple officials—they were just trying to hold on to what they had. I suppose the charitable thing to say is that they were biding their time for the moment when Rome would go away and leave us alone. Or maybe, that the priests and the scribes and Sadducees were waiting for the day when Rome could be overthrown. I don’t know anymore, but to involve one of our own? It still seems impossible.

“What I know is that we were decimated. We were gutted like the fish in the market. The guys went to the safe house and holed up. I had some rooms nearby that my family held for business in Jerusalem so I stayed there.

“We all spent Sabbath together, and then, early in the morning I went to sit and think about what was next. That’s when it happened. I saw that the stone was rolled away and the tomb was opened. You could smell the myrrh and aloe from the burial clothes, but the tomb looked empty.

“I ran to tell Beloved and Peter that the rabbi’s body was stolen, and they ran to the tomb. If anything, they were even more upset than I was. They went all the way into the tomb, thinking that someone might have come and defiled the body in some way, but there was no body.

“They left in silence. Tears were pouring down their faces as they left, but I just couldn’t bring myself to leave right away. So, I went into the tomb to see for myself. That’s when I saw the pile of grave clothes soaked in myrrh, the face cloth rolled up on the side, and the two angels. I thought that it was just a vision, a product of my tortured imagination, but one of the angels spoke to me, ‘Why are you crying?’

“I couldn’t believe it: ‘Why was I crying?’ Because my world was falling apart, that’s why, because one of my best friends ever had died, because everything I thought was worth anything had turned to dust and less than that. They each had this stupid smirk on their faces, and so I turned away. I turned away because I was angry—angry enough to want to die on the spot—and then, when I was trying to leave, I ran right into somebody else.

“Through the tears and my rage, in the midst of my despair and devastation, I searched for anything that might make sense. Supposing him to be the gardener, I lashed out. ‘Where, oh where, can my rabbi be? Where have you laid him?,’ I cried. ‘I know that you have taken him away from me. If you tell me where you have laid him, I will take him away from you, so I can have some peace in this world.’

“I might have even tried to bribe him with some of my family’s money, and then he called me by name. I couldn’t believe it. I knew that voice. I’d heard it thousands of times before. ‘Teacher?’ I asked.

“And then I knew. He had told us in so many ways that this was going to happen, but we just didn’t get it. I mean, how could we have known? I know there was Lazarus; but that was the rabbi’s work, and Lazarus was sick. We never thought that anyone could come back from a crucifixion. And yet, he was standing right in front of me, speaking words of wisdom. Could it be?

“He told me everything I needed to know and a whole lot more, and then I went to tell the rest of the disciples. They thought I was hysterical and didn’t pay me any mind until that night when they saw him too. You know about Ditto [Thomas] and how that played out. What you don’t know is that even after they had seen the rabbi, they insisted on staying in that stupid room.

“I think that they would be there today if I hadn’t shamed them into leaving. I reminded them all about the times they had promised to have his back, all the times they promised to follow him, all of their pronouncements about the rabbi being the messiah. They called him the Jam Man after all. Didn’t that mean anything to them?

“Did they think that our time together had just been a little political game? I told them that lives matter and the news of the rabbi’s resurrection had to mean something for all people or else the rabbi’s life meant nothing at all. What were we going to do about it? That’s when Peter decided to go fishing. And that fishing trip eventually made the difference.

“After that, the guys went their separate ways, each telling the story as they remembered it. My place in the story, with the other women, got smaller and smaller until you’d have thought that the guys did everything and we were just the auxiliary—sex toys and eye candy. But that was not the way it was.

“One day I decided to find my own place. I decided Ditto had had the right idea: to get away from the chaos in the middle of the empire and go to places where people were less concerned about Rome and more concerned about living, a place where I could remember those days and tell the story as I had learned and lived them. So, here I am.

“No, I am not in one of the lesser places of the world. I am in a place that people think of less. Personally, that’s fine with me. I don’t need high-profile coverage. As a matter of fact, I thought long and hard about talking with you today. But someone has to tell that he lives. The tomb couldn’t hold him. He has ascended to his father and our Father, to God, whom he always professed. He has sent us the Advocate as he promised and with the Advocate I continue to grow in faith, trusting that his message of love will ultimately overcome the powers of evil, greed, self-aggrandizement, self-interest, and hatred.

“Ditto may have been the first one to say it out loud, but he was not the only one to know that our rabbi, our Jam-Man, Jesus, the messiah, is our Lord and our God. He lived among us. He lives with us and through us. He will come again to gather us to himself in the last day.

“In the meantime, I have this simple life with simple fare, and simple ways that do not include Roman imperialism. I would thank you for not sharing precise directions on how to get here.

“And now, I think it is time for you to go. I can do nothing more for you.”

As I walked down the road to my evening’s lodging, I heard Mary say, “Thanks for caring enough to come. Luv ya, man.” 

Former Dead Guy Suing Jesus Also!

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET           

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

 

Former Dead Guy Suing Jesus Also!

Dateline: Bethany, April 2, 11:01:12:11

by Jack D. Sypal

Late Friday, Lazarus of Bethany, who we reported Jesus has brought back from the dead, joined I. Seituwell in suing Jesus for unwanted care. There seems to be considerable pushback against this miracle worker’s activities. Speculation has arisen that Lazarus and Seituwell may join forces with others in a class action suit. As political tensions rise and governmental pressures come to bear, could-be followers may choose to seek deep-pocket recompense.

Following is an interview account of the latest person to lay claim against Jesus.

“I mean, I thought [Jesus and I] were close. We had this real bromance going. So, when I was told that Jesus was going off without me, I was really hurt, like cut to the core hurt. I thought that we had something special going on there, and then he was gone with the rest of the guys.

“It wasn’t long after they left me, I was feeling pretty low, and then I got sick. I felt pretty lousy and had to go to bed for the day. My sisters, Mary and Martha, came in with some of that good Jewish penicillin around supper time, but it didn’t seem to be very appetizing. And if you know my sisters’ cooking, you would understand how unusual that was. In the middle of the night, I got this terrible stomachache and sweat started pouring out of me. That is about the last thing I remember for a while.

“My sisters would tell me they sent a message for Jesus to come, but no … I don’t know, maybe the message got crossed up or something, but he thought that he would hang for a couple of days.

Apparently, I got a lot worse. My temperature went sky high. I remember some time on the second day it felt like someone poured ice water in my belly. It hurt a lot; it was excruciating! When I asked my sisters about Jesus, they shook their heads. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t come.

“The next thing I remember, I was being called out. I was in this really peaceful place. I didn’t have any pain, and I was just totally chill, ya know? And then, this annoying voice started calling me out. I really just wanted to lay there. Then I noticed this stink. It was awful. It was sort of like being down at the slaughter yard on a hot day, standing near the fresh hides on one side and the blood pool and feces on the other. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

“And that voice kept nagging me, ‘Lazarus; come out, Lazarus; come out.’

“I finally recognized the voice as my man, but I thought, ‘What the hell? Why is he calling me now? He was the one who left me behind.’

“But finally, the smell got to me and I had to get out of there. That’s when I discovered that I was the smell. When I got out of the cave, I was struck by the sun, and the stench really took on a life of its own. And then I got a whiff of my own breath. Lord have mercy! It was enough to blow a fly off a gut-wagon. You know what I mean?

“Finally, people came and started stripping the wrappings off of me. I had to show my nakedness before all of those people. Public nudity is one thing, but I had pustules erupting on my body and skin sloughing going on. It was pretty disgusting.

“Most people looked at me with horror. They were petulantly pronouncing prognostications of pernicious, purulent, pustule pestilence. Penitents were prostrating themselves on the property, proposing persistent, pietistic popcorn-prayers of propitiation. Everyone was trying to hold their noses, and as soon as they could, they built a proper pyre for burning everything I had on. Even that smelled pretty preposterous.

“I spent hours in the bath trying to scrub the stink off, but after my skin started sliding off, I resorted to wiping my body off in nard. It didn’t get rid of the smell, but it masked it pretty well.

“Everybody thought that it was so cool; that I should be so thankful, but somehow, when I really needed [Jesus], he didn’t show. When I didn’t need him anymore, then he showed up, to do what? Leave me again?

“A couple of nights ago, my sisters invited him to supper; ‘To thank him,’ they said. Apparently I was still smelling pretty bad, so Mary went and got my nard and covered Jesus’ feet with it. The fragrance filled the whole house

“All I could think was, ‘Thanks, sis. Now what am I supposed to do tomorrow?’ I mean the stuff isn’t cheap. We may be wealthy, but we aren’t rich, if you know what I mean.

“Today I find out that there’s a contract out on me. Half the people are treating me like I’m a god, which I’m not; and the other half of the people treat me like I’m this zombie creature who will hex them for the rest of their lives, which I won’t. I can’t go back to work. I’m not even able to hang with my friends. It feels like the bromance is truly over, and I can’t get rid of this stink. If I can’t get my life back, I want pay back.”

It's Not About the Blind Guy, John 9:1-41

Before we begin, I want you to take a moment to think about one thing that you know well enough to teach someone else. It doesn’t need to be complicated or involved, and I’m not trying to say that it is the only thing or the most important thing you know. I just want it to be something that you feel competent in and something that you are comfortable sharing with others.

 

For me, this is one of the most difficult stories to preach on. And yet, it is one of the stories that I might be most qualified to talk with you about, but there is the difficulty. I could talk with you about this text for the next day or so and not run out of material and never get to the good news. So, let me say from the beginning that this text is not about a blind guy. It is all about identity, community, and acceptance.

Let us begin. At the beginning of this story, the identity of the person born blind is firmly established. He has a family. He has a job, that is, begging, and he has a community, the other professional beggars sanctioned by Scripture. His identity is that of the blind beggar. It is not an identity that people are going to study for, but he is recognized by his community and welcomed there. Where ever he would go to beg, he would be known and welcomed. He is one of a number of people who are permitted by Mosaic law to beg. Indeed, God’s people are commanded to share their alms with those who have the right to beg. Because he is an adult, he has probably been begging for years. He has made enough money at this job to support or help support himself and his family.

Although he is to be supported by the alms of the people, and is mentioned favorably in Leviticus 19:14, “Do not revile the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind. You shall fear your God! I am the Lord,” he is not allowed into the synagogue. As this story begins he is outside of the synagogue with his own identity. What happens next is that this man’s entire identity changes in a matter of moments. Afterwards this man who was formerly blind loses everything that has meant anything to him. His status in the community changes—those around him, his neighbors and others, challenge whether he is the same person or someone who looks like him amid his protestations of claiming to be the same person he used to be.

He is challenged by the synagogue court, brought before the Pharisees, and questioned about this new life he is leading. He is challenged to prove that he was not sighted before. At last his parents are brought before the synagogue, and, in fear, they turn away from their son and make him speak for himself since, as a sighted person, he is able to enter the synagogue.

Finally, after further questioning, the man is cast out of the synagogue, the synagogue he was not able to be part of before, and he sits outside the synagogue destitute. He has no identity. He has no profession. He has no community. He has no family. He has this gift of new vision, but no one to share it with. No one to share it with until Jesus finds this man again.

This story, which has most oftentimes been preached as this amazing miracle, a story of celebration, may be one of the greatest struggles in and of the Scriptures. As Jacob’s confrontation at the Jabbok river with God, that great wrestling match back in Genesis, resulted in a change in Jacob’s identity, so now the man who was formerly blind has a new identity. Jacob’s wrestling match changes his name from Jacob to Israel for he wrestled with God, and he carried the limp from his hip being dislocated for the rest of his life. This man will wrestle with seeing for the rest of his life, and yet he is never named. So, what is this story about?

As I said, I do not believe that this story is about the man born blind. It is all about identity, community, and acceptance. Further, I believe that this story is for us today and challenges us in all kinds of ways. Again, let us begin.

I cannot think of a time when we, that is the Church, have been challenged in our identity the way we are being challenged today. The old days of being able to be the moral compass of our communities, of being places where we could quietly study the Bible and get baptized, confirmed, married, and buried are gone. The days of living in a world where people assumed that everybody is Christian and that we lived in a Christian world (an illusion we often carry), are gone. The days of living quietly in our own corner of the world without concern for what is happening in other parts of the world is long time gone.

I tell you today, Christ is standing before us, mixing up the stuff of creation, God’s spit and dirt, forming us into a new Adam, a new community, with new ways of living. This is the world of artificial joints and limbs; heart transplants, kidney transplants and even lung transplants. We are living in a cyber-world that not only allows instant communication, but demands it. We live in a world that not only doesn’t care about the poor among us, it brags about creating systems that will continue to deprive the poorest of the poor of their very dignity. The days of food baskets anonymously showing up on our neighbors’ doorsteps as they did so many times in the midst of the Great Depression are long gone.

It is time for us to have our eyes opened. It is time to wrestle with the disapproval of those around us. It is time to even leave our families for the vision of God’s possibility kingdom before us. It will not be easy. But when it is all said and done, the one who searches out the outcasts will find us too, and that one will reveal himself to us, reminding us that we have met before, and that we will be able to walk together with a new identity received in the new life given to us in baptism, in the relationship with new eyes to see God’s work in the world, shaped from clay in his image, and claimed as children of God.

It has been many years since Daniel Berrigan said this, but his words are still true today. “The mark of a Christian is that you must look good on wood.” We are called, gathered, and challenged to see the world around us—to see the world around us with all of its sores and scabs, and then we are sent into that world to be the body of Christ for our neighbors, to be the ones who will stand before the outcasts of the world with words of encouragement and acceptance.

We are the ones who can offer the purifying waters of Siloam to a mud-covered, thirsty world that it might be sent with the living waters of endurance and hope, with the character of Christ and the anointing of the Holy Spirit. It is a hope that gives new identity. It is a hope that comes with pain. It is a hope that depends on and builds new communities of faith. It is a hope that accepts the gifts we have been given and uses them.

The man born blind receives his sight so that we might see. He suffers the challenges of that world so that we might know that there is life beyond rejection. He wrestles with his seeing and shows us the way to true vision in the one who makes all things possible, Jesus Christ, our Lord and savior. No, this story is not about the man born blind, it is about us today, the people of Albany Lutheran Church. You did not ask for it, but Jesus, while he was passing, stooped down and opened your eyes. What do you see? What are you going to do about it?

Again, let us begin. Remember that thing that you know well enough to teach? When are you going to start teaching it? How can we help you make that happen?

Correction: Former Blind Guy Sues Jesus!

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET           

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

 

Correction

Former Blind Guy Sues Jesus!

 

Dateline: Jerusalem, March 26, 09:01:41

by Jack D. Sypal

Some may not be able to admit that they are wrong, but we at The AngelUS Trumpet value revealing the complete truth. What follows is a corrected copy of Mr I. Seituwel’s statement published in today’s earlier edition. We apologize for this extreme case of parablepsis and over-correction resulting in mishandling the first paragraph in his statement of the situation. The full article is included for your convenience.

On Sabbath Day last, it is alleged that Jesus gave sight to a man who was blind from birth. Now this same former blind man is suing Jesus for lack of income, loss of companionship, and severe emotional distress.
I spoke with this man at length. What follows is Mr. I. Seituwel’s story in his own words. It is a rather lengthy statement, but I think you will find it enlightening, both as to how this itinerant “do-gooder” works and the ramifications of his actions.

“I was minding my own business, begging as I always did outside the city wall, when this guy came up and spit on me. It wasn’t the first time I had been spit on, so I was prepared, sort of, but then this guy smeared mud all over my face. Afterwards he said, “Your face is dirty. Go wash your face in the pool of Siloam.” He wasn’t as nasty as some have been, so I went.

“Little did I know that, when I washed my face, my sight would be given to me and that getting my sight would be the beginning of myriad, nightmarish problems.

“The first thing that happened after I washed my face was that this excruciating pain hit me in the head. I now know that it was light, but who would have thought that it would be so painful. When things started flying at me from all directions, I suddenly fainted. I guess it was sensory overload, or at least that is what some of the doctors have said.

“After that, the guys I used to hang with refused to talk with me because I didn’t belong anymore. Other people refused to recognize me at all. My friends have left me. Even my family turned on me.

“In the meantime, my means of making a living is gone. Having sight means that I can’t beg outside the city wall.

“Some think that I had been faking it all along, and so they have brought fraud charges against me, and the police are after me.  

“The temple is after me because they think I’m a new disciple of this Jesus guy, and they want me to point him out to them. I can’t get them to understand that I never saw the person and probably couldn’t identify him anyways.

“I still don’t know what half of the stuff I see is. I have to close my eyes and listen to stuff or touch it in order to know what most stuff is. I’m terrified of moving around the country because I don’t know if what I am seeing is safe or not. The other day I saw something dark in front of me, and, when I stepped on it, I fell all the way to the bottom of a cistern. I could have broken my neck. As it was, I was pretty scraped up. Who knew? If my eyes hadn’t been opened, if I had been using my stick, I would never have had that problem. Everyone wants me to be sighted, but I have no idea what that means!

“If I had asked for this, it might be different. But, I was just sitting there minding my own business. I want my life back. Short of that, I want compensation for all of the insults and disparaging comments I’ve endured. I never had much before, but I had blind faith and a good reputation. Now what do I have?

“People ought to be more considerate before they start showing off with their special powers. Did I ask for this? No!!! So, I think that it is only right that he ought to pay for my troubles.”

Former Blind Guy Sues Jesus!

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET           

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

 

Former Blind Guy Sues Jesus!

Dateline: Jerusalem, March 26, 09:01:41

by Jack D. Sypal

On Sabbath Day last, it is alleged that Jesus gave sight to a man who was blind from birth. Now this same former blind man is suing Jesus for lack of income, loss of companion-ship, and severe emotional distress.

I spoke with this man at length. What follows is Mr. I. Seituwel’s story in his own words. It is a rather lengthy statement, but I think you will find it enlightening, both as to how this itinerant “do-gooder” works and the ramifica-tions of his actions.

“I was minding my own business, begging as I always did outside the city wall, when this guy came up and spit on me. It wasn’t the first time I had been spit on, so I was prepared, sort of, but then this guy told me to go wash my face in the pool of Siloam. It’s not as nasty as some, so I went.

“Little did I know that, when I washed my face, my sight would be given to me and that getting my sight would be the beginning of myriad, nightmarish problems.

“The first thing that happened after I washed my face was that this excruciating pain hit me in the head. I now know that it was light, but who would have thought that it would be so painful. When things started flying at me from all directions, I suddenly fainted. I guess it was sensory overload, or at least that is what some of the doctors have said.

“After that, the guys I used to hang with refused to talk with me because I didn’t belong anymore. Other people refused to recognize me at all. My friends have left me. Even my family turned on me.

“In the meantime, my means of making a living is gone. Having sight means that I can’t beg outside the city wall.

“Some think that I had been faking it all along, and so they have brought fraud charges against me, and the police are after me.  

“The temple is after me because they think I’m a new disciple of this Jesus guy, and they want me to point him out to them. I can’t get them to understand that I never saw the person and probably couldn’t identify him anyways.

“I still don’t know what half of the stuff I see is. I have to close my eyes and listen to stuff or touch it in order to know what most stuff is. I’m terrified of moving around the country because I don’t know if what I am seeing is safe or not. The other day I saw something dark in front of me, and, when I stepped on it, I fell all the way to the bottom of a cistern. I could have broken my neck. As it was, I was pretty scraped up. Who knew? If my eyes hadn’t been opened, if I had been using my stick, I would never have had that problem. Everyone wants me to be sighted, but I have no idea what that means!

“If I had asked for this, it might be different. But, I was just sitting there minding my own business. I want my life back. Short of that, I want compensation for all of the insults and disparaging comments I’ve endured. I never had much before, but I had a good reputation. Now what do I have?

“People ought to be more considerate before they start showing off with their special powers. Did I ask for this? No!!! So, I think that it is only right that he ought to pay for my troubles.”

A Story Looking for a Home John 7:53-8:11

The Story of the Adulterous Woman, or at least that is what we have come to know it by, is one of those really interesting stories of the Bible. We read it tonight from the Gospel of John, but its place in the longer proclamation of John’s Gospel is somewhat tenuous. It carries with it a footnote stating that the earliest accounts of John do not have this story in it. It further states that some Bibles place this story at the end of John and others place it in the Gospel of Luke.

 What we know is that, after Jesus was crucified and raised up from the grave, stories were told about him and about the contacts that people had had with him. Many of these stories were collected into what we now know as the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John), but there were some stories that were not immediately included. In fact, there are a number of stories that have never been included. We know this from the end of the Gospel of John when the Gospel writer states, “These stories have been told so that you might believe. There are other stories, but if they were all told, they could not be contained in a book.” Apparently, this story is one of those extra stories, and the importance of it for the early Christian community was so important that it was eventually included in the accounts that we have about Jesus. It was an orphan story that was crying out for a place, and it has eventually found its place here in the Gospel of John.

 Let us understand that there are a number of problems with this story. For instance, if we read the laws concerning adultery and the penalties for committing adultery in Deuteronomy, we see that, if a woman is to be punished for adultery, the man she committed it with should also be brought forward and stoned. Yet here we find no man. The scribes and Pharisees have only brought the woman. What to do?

 Another problem is we see Jesus writing on the ground, not once but twice, yet we are never told the significance of the writing. What about that? (I had a classmate in seminary that used to draw cartoons of various biblical passages, and he drew one for this story. In the first frame, you see Jesus and a woman and an angry crowd. In the second frame, Jesus is facing the crowd saying, “Let the one without sin throw the first stone.” In the third frame, you see Jesus with his finger on the ground, and you see what he is writing. It’s a tic-tac-toe board.)

 This is an orphan story looking for a place, and, as I looked at this story more carefully, thinking about what is going on, I came to believe that what we have is a story that is not about sin but rather of repentance and forgiveness. That is why it’s importance was great enough to merit inclusion in our greater narrative of God’s love and caring. For indeed, it found its way into our spiritual narrative; it demanded to be included in our Scripture place; and, although its place is tenuous, it is a part of our spiritual identity today.

 I have come to think that this story is like us. Each of us has our own story of how we came to be here this evening. Each of us has our own story of faith and challenge, of sin and the need for forgiveness. We hear these words of Jesus, “Let those around you without sin be your judge.” And with these words we discover that we are incapable of being judges. We seek and find a place of forgiveness and the need for that forgiveness. In that time, we find our place in the faith story and our stories of community, of our need for one another, and the work we need to do to be forgiven and the work we need to do to forgive.

 This challenging story is not just looking for a place in Scripture, it is looking for a place in our hearts. And with this story, we too cry out for a place of inclusion with our own stories. We too cry out with the need of recognition and value and peace.

 So, we come to this place, gathered together, sharing our stories of joys and sorrows, our successes and our failures; sharing our lives, that communal creation story, that continuous narrative of our need of God’s love, that thing we call the living word of Christ among us, being the living word of God’s hope-filled activity in the world. We are not seeking to be the ones who judge but the ones who seek to proclaim Christ’s words of grace and love.

 Jesus stooped down, and he wrote on the ground. He wrote in the dirt, in the humus, and, through this, we are reminded of our humanity. We are reminded of our first ancestor being handcrafted from the dirt and God’s breath being breathed into us and the words that created us. As the spoken word gave life to us from the goodness of the humus, so now the writing in that humus promises new ways of living for all humans, and we find our own human identity. Through this earthy writing, we find the words of life, and light, and loving forgiveness.

 We stand before Christ, always in a state of needing forgiveness and always in that state of grace, of God’s underserved love and forgiveness. This unusual status calls us, names us, and holds us as God’s children in God’s world. May we always know God’s love and forgiveness as we go out among God’s people, as we gather here, as we share our stories, as we live into the ages in Christ’s living word for the sake of the world.

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut, Matthew 5:21-37

The old commercial used to say, “Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.” Today I say, “Sometimes you have to take the Bible literally, sometimes you don’t. Sometimes you have to take the Bible metaphorically, sometimes you don’t. And sometimes, you have to take the Bible metaphorically and literally at the same time. Welcome to the Sermon on the Mount.”


For the past couple of weeks, we have been talking about this new community that Jesus is creating and forming. It is a new world vision that includes all of God’s people. So once again, let’s review the people who are gathered on the mountainside. They are the people who have come from all of Syria, Galilee, Jerusalem, Judea, and the land beyond the Jordan. These people are the diseased and infirm, those who have mental illness, the epileptics, and the paralytics. These people have come with their care takers and followed Jesus up the mountain.


Here, on this mount, as we witness a new community being formed, we are reminded of Moses in the wilderness—how Moses went up the mountain and came back down with the Ten Commandments. When the people, like Moses, come down from this mountain, they too, will have a new understanding of what it means to be God’s people in the world and to be a follower of Jesus. These words will give identity to the people and shape the attitudes and conversations engaging the world. These words will also shape the mission and ministry of the nascent church while developing an ethic and vocabulary for considering our place in the world.


Jesus is speaking to the people gathered before him on the mountain, and, at the same time, he is speaking to us in his distant future. He is using extreme language, setting the bar low enough so that we will attempt to live by them, but high enough so we know that it is only by God’s grace that we will be able to claim these words as our own.


Sue got her degree in economics, and though the subject of economics continues to confuse me in all kinds of ways, she helped me understand at least part of the economic conversation by telling me that there are two major conversations of economics that are always going on; sometimes they even talk with one another. There is the conversation of macroeconomics which is about the financial concerns of the nation and the world economy and there is microeconomics which deals with household spending.


I use this image of macro and micro as a way of suggesting how Jesus is speaking to us, giving these commands as both a macro- and as a micro- ethic. It is not just for the people who are there, but for those that we will come to know as the followers of Jesus. We will call them Christians. Just as Moses gave the Ten Commandments as guides and mandates for the greater community of faith, not for individual piety and self-righteousness, but for the entire nation of Israel, we will claim these words of Jesus as guiding words for ourselves today.


The Ten Commandments were given as an identifying signature symbol to the world stating why these particular Hebrew people were different. They were for all of God’s people who had come out of Egypt and also for the generations of people who would follow them. These commandments were given to help the people live together in peace with a common set of rules among the families and tribes, and guidelines for being in relationship with the nations/peoples around them. These commandments were at the same time, macro- and micro-.


In this sermon, Jesus does not mention all of the commandments, nor does he address the commandments in the order that we received them from Moses. Jesus also references some of the great number of the laws given in Torah as he talks about these new ways of understanding them.


Jesus begins “Don’t murder.” On a micro-, personal level, this commandment seems pretty straight forward. On a macro-, national level, this command becomes much more difficult. Yet Jesus does not stop with that complication, he makes it even more difficult. If you are going to be my follower, if you are going to be the people who will exceed the righteousness of the scribes and the Pharisees, then I say, “More than do not murder, don’t be angry with one another. Don’t get trapped in the pettiness of insulting one another. Don’t declare that others are fools.”


I need just a moment to talk about why, when Jesus says, “but I say,” it was so controversial for the people hearing this in Jesus’ time. A rabbi didn’t speak by his own authority but by the authority of other rabbis, past and present, who had influenced his thought, and with the authority of Torah itself. Many of the sayings and thoughts cited were from Moses. A rabbi borrowed the authority of Moses by reiterating Moses’ words, saying, “With Moses, I say …” or, “I will teach you as it is written in Torah (the first five books of the First Testament, sometimes referred to as the law)”. The rabbi also included the opinions of other rabbis who were in agreement with the history of the faith and in agreement with him. Thus, rabbis spoke with the authority of those who had gone before them.


A rabbi traveled around the country seeking out the brightest and the best of the young boys who might be worthy of becoming his disciple. While rabbis were teaching their own students, they offered up their own ideas derived from the arguments and teaching of others. When their students brought those teachings forward, they did so with the authority of their teacher. These students then taught saying, “As Rabbi so-and-so used to say, ‘this is what we should be thinking and doing.’” A rabbi, unlike Jesus’ statements, never really spoke with his own authority, but with that of a consortium of others.


It was understood that the only one who could speak with his own authority and without the voices of other people was Godself. Therefore, now understanding a bit about rabbinical authority, we can understand what authority Jesus claimed when he said, “You have heard it said in ancient times, don’t murder, but I say to you….”. Jesus’ words are so powerful because he is claiming the authority only allowed to the Son of God.


The people, both then and now, having heard these words, must determine whether Jesus was some sort of flim-flammer con artist, or whether he has the authority of God, indeed is God. If Jesus was a flim-flammer, then they, and we, don’t have to pay any attention to him. Today, we could just go home, go eat breakfast or brunch, prepare to take a nap. We could do any number of things that might fill our time in oh so many ways. We might even go to the mall to pick up a few things that we think we can’t live without.


But, today we are gathered proclaiming that the one speaking, one Jesus of Nazareth, is the Son of God, the Word of God incarnate. We are now accountable to living our lives differently: when issues arise that might divide us, we will try to remain friends instead of becoming adversaries. We will seek ways to be reconciled to one another, that is, we will make concessions for the sake of the other.


Just in case you think that this process of being reconciled to your neighbor is only for personal relationships, the micro-ethic, Jesus intends this is how national and local communities should interact with neighbors as well, the macro-ethic. In all relationships, Jesus urges do not be angry or vengeful, do not insult a neighbor, not even pointing out foolish behavior. Rather, Jesus demands reconciliation so that the value of the neighbor is not diminished, weakening the whole body of Christ.


This reconciliation is not “You need to change”. It is “We are willing to change in order for you to be part of us” reconciliation. This language suggests that “being reconciled to” means that we will make accommodations for the needs of our neighbors in order to walk together in Christ.


We know the early Christian worshipping community was divided over different ways of becoming Christian. In First Corinthians, we hear that some claim Apollos, others claim Paul. We know that some thought that it was necessary for a person to convert to Judaism first, and then, after they had become Jewish, they could begin Catechism to become Christian. We also know that the Gospel of Matthew was probably written in Antioch, Syria, and that the Christian community had gathered there to escape the Roman army in Jerusalem. So, as Matthew is recounting Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount, he is reporting it to a highly polarized, divided faith community. They are people who want to distance themselves from one another in self-righteous fervor trying to say that one faction is better than the other. They are more concerned about their faith positions than they are about what Christ has done for all of them. So, Matthew includes this divided community with all the other outcasts of the world when he speaks about Jesus’ concerns about divorce and adultery.


When Jesus talks about divorce, his words seem to be talking about the breakdown of a personal relationship (like with the person we are married to), but adultery and divorce, in the scriptures we call the Old Testament, have more to do with our communal relationship with God than they do with marital conditions. They are more macro= than micro-. In Jeremiah 31:31-34, God says that, although we have not been faithful to God, God will not divorce us. We may divorce ourselves from God, but God will not divorce us. Instead, God will write God’s laws on our hearts, and God will remember our sins no more. So, when Jesus speaks about adultery and divorce, Jesus cautions us against turning away from God and chasing after other gods for false gratification and salvation and moving outside that relationship that God desires to have with us.


These words are for Christ’s body, that is, the people gathered in worship, and address the divisions that come within that community of faith, with the many gifts of Christ’s body, his hands and his feet, his eyes, ears, nose, and mouth, who are gathered together for the sake of the world, seeking wholeness. So, Matthew reports that Jesus has said that when the eye or the right hand has caused the body to sin, remove it. This is not for the personal body, although there are times when surgery demonstrates the value of removing diseased appendixes, cancerous or severely infected organs like gall bladders and more, these words are written for the good order and the overall health of the body of Christ and caution us concerning outside philosophies and faiths.


It is better amid irreconcilable differences that one part of the faithful separate from the other until future discernment can find wholeness again. In this light, the Reformation, started by Luther’s actions 500 years ago, was a better way to go than to continue to fight within the Roman Catholic Church. Although we have not found wholeness together yet, we are now able to understand each other better than we have for many years.


So, at Jesus’ feet on the side of the mountain, seated with the first people gathered there, and with the divided community of Antioch, and within the midst of our own polarized and divided world, let us hear these words again that encourage us to be the new community of faith with new understandings of who this Jesus is. This understanding affects the way we live individually, but, more than that, it calls us as one of many communities of faith to honor those around us in ways that we have not in the past.


This is not a time for warfare and separation. It is not a time of hurling insults at the people who disagree with our communal beliefs. It is certainly not a time to call those who differ from us fools thereby increasing the chasm of distrust that separates us. It is not a time of chasing after easy solutions that dishonor the value of our neighbors. These words of Jesus pledge us to the commitment of seriously engaging the problems of the community we live in, embracing those problems in a way that says, “These are the concessions that we are willing and able to make to accommodate the needs of our neighbors. These are our theological non-negotiables concerning who Jesus is and whose we are, and, if we can’t agree on these things, it might be better for us to go our separate ways for the sake of the health and welfare of the body of Christ.”


Continuing in this community God has given us, as we sit and hear these words with those who heard it first, let us come down from the mountain, to live in the ways Jesus has proposed, not only with the words of “Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not swear falsely using God’s name wrongly,” but with those added admonitions that help us live in healthy ways and loving relationships with one another.


In the relationships of faith which we have with one another, let us not swear in ways that dishonor God and God’s children: not by heaven, for that is God’s; not by the earth, for that is God’s; not by the city of Jerusalem, for that belongs to the government; not even by your head because you did not create it. Instead, when we engage with one another in honest debate concerning honest differences, let us openly say, “Yes, we can do this,” or, “No, we can’t.” In this way, we will be able to walk together in new ways. We will walk together in the way of forgiveness that is needed for our own spiritual health and ability to embrace life, not to change the behavior of the other person or group. We will walk together in the new way of making concessions to accommodate our neighbor, not because it will make our neighbor more acceptable to us, but because it will strengthen our community of faith and the body of Christ. We will walk together in these new ways, being honest in our relationship with God and one another, celebrating the gifts we have been given; not divorcing ourselves from God or one another; and not chasing after the new latest thing or idea that draws us away from those relationships.


In a divided world, in this time when the world continues to want to swear by flags and constitutions, by guns and walls that will only divide us, and by the wealth and lifestyle we have, let us remember and recognize God’s authority to create and forgive, and let us remember our calling to be the new welcoming community of God’s people and our willingness to serve in Christ, simply saying yes and no in faith.

GETTING MARRIED IN THE MOURNING

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET            POLITICS

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

GETTING MARRIED IN THE MOURNING

Dateline: Galilee, February 19, 05:38:48

by Matt Hughes

Josh Kristy continues to challenges today’s morality and our legal systems, surprised many by instructing his followers not to resist evil doers but to let them run rampant. He even suggested that his followers overpay plea bargain settlements by 100%. Further, after suggesting that young men enucleate eyes and amputate hands, Kristy presented extreme pacifist ideas counselling against fighting back when attacked. Kristy went so far as to say we should give our hard-earned money away to anyone who asks for it.

Ernest Workman said, “Soon our young men will be half blind, disabled, toothless, black eyed, impoverished, and likely homeless. If we give everything away to those who ask for it, who are we going to ask for money when the time comes?”

New insights into modern marriage practices among Kristy followers and an explanation of the rising divorce rate came when Kristy told his followers to love their enemies. Kristy said, “Anyone can love people who love them. The trick is to get your enemies embroiled in loving relationships, and then prey on them.”

When interviewed, Don T. Ghethitcht explained, “This makes it so much easier to be with the one you love. I used to think that I needed to look for the perfect woman, but now I just put my arms around whoever happens to be there. I’m bound to experience some antagonism from her, and then I figure that’s the one to love. I was so confused until I heard that I was to prey on them. It really simplified the whole dating thing.”

Mary Annie Thyme was heard to say, “This changes my whole attitude toward war. I mean, I never thought about the other side as being a whole new market for wedding bliss. I just wonder who my bridesmaids should be?”

Bar Association spokesperson, Sue M. Dailey opined, “This could change how we think about divorce. It used to be that people fell in love with one another, and then, over time, they became enemies or, worse than that, indifferent to their partner. It now seems that hatred and thoughtlessness is grounds for getting married. If they fall in love with one another, will that be grounds for divorce? I’m sure that there is a new legal precedent waiting to be proved in court. This should keep lawyers busy for years to come.”