A LONG AND WINDING ROAD

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET           

The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts  

A LONG AND WINDING ROAD

Dateline: Deadwood SD, March 5, 04:01:11

by Matt Hughes

Today Biblical Archeology Digest (BAD) archeologist O. Toby Norske was again in the news when he revealed the most recent set of runic records found near Jordan Creek, in Harmony, Minnesota. According to these records, Jesus left a life in Harmony and traveled into the western wilderness.  He may have been the first to follow the advice, “Go West, young man.”

Norske’s work is important because it moves research from the Jordan Creek area in southern Minnesota into the greater North American setting. Norske said, “We started looking for places where Jesus might have gone, based on Biblical accounts of course, and other ancient sources. New findings in the ghost town, Deadwood, SD, suggest that the wilderness west journey could have ended there. At an average 15.7 miles per day (a very reasonable walk in those days), Jesus could have ended his forty-day journey in the wilderness crossing most of Minnesota and South Dakota.”

Ayne Shent (St. Olive, ‘02), one of BAD’s Norwegian antiquity scholars, helped with the research and was present when some preliminary diggings were initiated. The whole team was shocked when they found a stone with identical markings as the Jordan Creek find. This tends to confirm Norske’s hypothesis.

The writings on this stone purport that Jesus traveled into the western wilderness and was tested. Jesus rejected spells as ways to solve the world hunger issue, but Shent notes that this part of the nation has been known as the “great bread basket” for many years.

The stone further claims that Jesus was taken to the pinnacle of what we now know as the Corn Palace where he refused to leap without an appropriate bungee harness and line. Lastly, he was taken to the highest point in the Black Hills, where he surveyed the wonders of the western lands, and he again declared them good.

After the mountain-top experience, Jesus found himself where angels ministered to him. Norske now believes that the end of the testing time concluded in Cactus Flat (a popular stop today to visit a prairie dog village) because, he explains, “From the rune stone, we now understand that the word we usually think of as ‘angels’ really means ‘prairie dogs’. This would suggest that Jesus was transubstantiated or teleported in some way from place to place. Otherwise, he wandered all the way to the Black Hills and then returned part way, and then proceeded to Deadwood, another five- or six-day journey by foot.“

The terminal location of Deadwood is suggested by the cross event itself. The dead wood is the signature name of the cross and has been made famous because of it. Norske said, “What comes out of these new writings is how maniacally focused the inquisitor is and how casual Jesus is in the midst of it.”

As scholars continue to process this new information, Shent shared that some wonder whether this narrative suggests a first uprising of aboriginal first-nation people against the misunderstood intentions of an early Viking expedition or whether the leadership of that fated expedition was in fact Jesus and that he was a Viking rejected by an unknown adversary.

Maybe Jesus is Norwegian after all.

BAD: MEANING of LAMB OF GOD

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET            INTERNATIONAL NEWS 

BAD: MEANING of LAMB OF GOD

Dateline: Jordan Creek, Holy Land?, January 15, 01:29:42

Matt Hughes

As the United States prepares to inaugurate a new president, new findings at Jordan Creek reveal helpful and hopeful words as we move into a new world of information gathering. It appears that even in Jesus’ time there were issues with party defections and veracity.

At the Biblical Archeology Digest (BAD) site, archeologist O. Toby Norske, coordinator, shared that the latest rune stone transcriptions reveal political forces within the anti-establishment reformers. Jesus left the extreme wilderness people, known as “acid heads”, to form his own reform party where he is addressed with the back-to-nature name “Rabbit”.

Ayne Shent, a Norwegian antiquity scholar with BAD said, “Some of the back to nature, locust-eating, honey-dipping moderates chose the messy life with Jesus rather than the sticky ways of John.”

This new way of living had some issues too. One of the new Reform Party followers had problems with disclosure. In the name of full transparency, Jesus outed this follower saying, “You are called Simon, aka Cephas, aka Peter, aka Rocky, aka The Fish.” Norma L. Prankster said, “This last name clears up much of Church history. There were claims this early head-over-heels party leader was the Bish of Rome. We now know that he was known as the Fish of Rome. I wonder if he was related to Abe Vigoda.”

As information continues to come in from the BAD site, a more complex political scene is unfolding. Jesus, as the head of the reform party, was known as the LAMB of GOD.  Rather than being a title of divination, Shent claims it appears to be an acronym for “Lakes & Agriculture Management Bureau of Glaciated Oversight Districts”, akin to the DNR today.

When asked how these records help us understand the complexities of olden times and the general outlook of the world today, Shent said, “Well, we now know that speaking truth was clearly an issue even at the time of these writings.” BAD has gained knowledge from studying the runes and sifting through various errata. Shent shared, with a certain degree of certainty, that the central wisdom from the passage they finished recently reads, “Look here der, the L.A.M.B. of G.O.D., who takes away the spin of the world.” As she was packing up, Shent said, “Lord, have mercy. Even in those days they were trying to find truth in government.”

 

Minnesota Finds Jesus

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET            INTERNATIONAL NEWS 

MINNESOTA FINDS JESUS!!!

Dateline: Jordan Creek, Holy Land?, January 8, 03:13:17

Matt Hughes

Among many in the Ole Land, it has long been believed that Jesus was Norwegian, but, until recently, little evidence has been found for that. Now breaking archeological news from BAD (Biblical Archaeology Digest) reveals that Jesus may have very well been Norwegian. That is still inconclusive, but more importantly, Jesus IS from Minnesota.

According to the BAD archeologist heading up this recent dig, O. Toby Norske, the before unknown collection of rune stones found in Fillmore county, Minnesota, indicates that the baptism of our Lord occurred on the North American continent. The team was first intrigued by the solar alignment of the stones. The first comparison of the writing was to aboriginal first nation petroglyphs. Norske said nothing came of that.

Although not a member of the dig team, Ayne Shent (St. Olive, ‘02), one of BAD’s Norwegian antiquity scholars, looked at the stones and suggested that they could be ancient runes. Templates of other runic writings were calibrated to the exact size of the writings on the stones and then properly oriented to accommodate lithographic shifting. Norske enthusiastically said, “Hoorah! We were able to read the message of divine providence that was left for us.”

In an aside, Norske confessed, “You know, some people still think they are just a bunch of rocks with random scratches on them” before he explained that this runic find corrects several scribal errors in the Greek editions of the New Testament. The letter to Philemon should more accurately be read the letter to Fillmore. Instead of Galilean, the runes show gal-o-Lena. Norske interprets this to mean that Mary’s mother’s name was not Anna or Hannah as previously thought. He explained, “Now we can more fully understand that Jesus went to gal of Lena who is Mary. This really helps us understand the humanity of Jesus as he was growing up. How natural it is for a young boy to go to his mother in times of trouble as Paul wrote concerning Jesus’ early life:

‘whenifindmyselfintimesoftroublemotherMarycomestomespeakingwordsofwisdomLetitbeandinmyhourofdarknesssheisstandingrightinfrontofmespeakingwordsofwisdomLetitbeiwakeuptothesoundofmusicmotherMarycomestomespeakingwordsofwisdomLetitbe’”.

Norske believes this passage demonstrates the prime paradigm of the Biblical mother-son relationship and facilitates our understanding of that daily “mother and child reunion that is only a moment away”. He further declared, “It also leads to a greater understanding of Jesus’ willingness to die for us—“’Let it be’.”

When asked how interest got started in this project, Norske responded, “All of this got started because of the account of Jesus’ baptism. Some textual variants suggested that the baptism wasn’t at the Jordan River, but the Jordan Creek. And you can tell from the story that John and Jesus are very close and respect one another. They are just so darn polite, just like Minnesotans. You can almost hear their conversation that day. ‘I should be baptized by you.’”

“’No, I should be baptized by you.’”

“’No, I should be baptized by you.’”

“’No, I should be baptized by you.’”

“’No, I should be baptized by you.’”

“’No, I should be baptized by you.’”

“And after that issue is resolved, you can just see them, on that clear January day, standing on the banks of Jordan Creek saying, ‘After you, cousin.’”

“’No, after you.’”

“’No, after you.’”

“’No, after you.’”

“’No, after you.’”

“’No, after you.’”

“’No, after you.’”

 “I mean, it just warms your heart to think of them going out there with their ice axes and saws to prepare a place for the baptism. You can tell how refreshing it was too. The shout they must have made opened the heavens and scared a local pigeon right out of the sky.”

Norske admitted many of the textual variants are slight. He indicated the clearest textual difference found among the stones is God’s approving words of Jesus. It appears that the rune account says, “Ja, hey der. Lookin’ pretty good der, lille buddy!”

When asked about what she thought of the importance of the find, Norma L. Prankstor said, “This find helps us understand the old story concerning the lack of Minnesotans in heaven.” She was referring to a local legend concerning the first Minnesotans at the pearly gates. It is believed that one of them held open the gate for those who were coming after, waving them through and everyone was stepping aside saying, “No, after you.” Prankstor added, “It [the story] means so much more to me now. It really makes you think, y’know?”

A new BAD site dig in nearby St. Peter hopes to discover whether St. Lucy might be a Minnesotan too. Gustolphus Adavus enthusiasts are hopeful.