BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET          INTERNATIONAL NEWS

BAA, BAA, BLACK SHEEP

Dateline: New York, December 31, 25:31:46

Matt Hughes

With exclusive coverage, THE ANGELUS TRUMPET is excited to report that Joshua Kristy, amid great fanfare, attempted to demonstrate what life in the new world order might look like. Kristy claimed, “My goal here, is not to create a single standard for global governmental compliance, but benchmarks to be strived for. If how we treat the poorest people in our society indicates our concern for one another, then these bench marks can stand as report card for our nations.”

Speaking outside the United Nations, Kristy divided the countries into two groups: those that were acceptable and those that needed to do work. Kristy divided them into his own categories of SHEEP (Somewhat Helpful Eco-friendly Environs for People) and GOATS (Governmental Organizations Antagonistic to Transformative Solutions). At the end of the first reading, the delegations from  Sweden and Denmark stood alone as SHEEP. After a second consideration, Ireland, Finland, Iceland, and the Netherlands were added.

According to Kristy’s estimations, much work needs to be done in the rest of the world. There were several moments of indecision when the issue of the Vatican and Taiwan were raised. After consultation, it was noted that the Vatican depends on other countries for some of its services, and the nationhood of Taiwan remains undecided.

It appears that Kristy’s benchmarks include world hunger with the NU Food diet including their full-bodied bread; potable water for all including NU Food wines for the discerning palate; open immigration policies (remembering some semi-nomadic early life issues); affordable King of Dodd clothing made from sustainable eco-friendly resources manufactured  by workers who receive equitable salaries; holistic medical care for all people; and prison reform (honoring the treatment and death of Jean Baptiste).

Kristy claimed, “It is clear that even the nations who have made the cut are not fully compliant, but they are moving in the right direction. They deserve to be rewarded and encouraged in the work they are doing.”

When UN representatives were asked about Kristy’s judgment, Torvald Thorsen of Denmark, said, “We are very proud to be among the chosen nations, but all we have done is try to be as good as we can to one another. We do not think that we are doing anything special. We still have issues to deal with.”

Among the nations that did not make the preferred list, UK UN Ambassador Arthur King protested saying, “I believe that we are being punished because of the recent Brexit vote which is primarily a statement of concern trying to preserve our distinguished heritage.”

US UN Ambassador John Q. Jones was heard to say, “Kristy doesn’t understand the complexities of a nation our size. We are currently in a rebuilding stage of our nation’s greatness, and so I am not surprised that people do not understand our need to build a secure boundary between us and our southern neighbors. Prison reform is something that we are studying…, but we have the best medical care money can buy anywhere in the world.…Yes, we have some problems with poverty, but that is because so many jobs have been out sourced around the world. We’re working on bringing all of those jobs home again in the coming years.”

Syria and Liberia did not respond to requests for comment

It is uncertain, at this time, whether the new categories of SHEEP and GOATS will help, but it is certain that Kingdom of Dodd LLC will greatly benefit if nations accept the challenge benchmarks proposed by Kristy.