THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET            SOCIETY SECTION

Dateline: Jerusalem, November 21, 01:18:25

Matt Hughes

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY

People are all abuzz concerning Joseph Jacobson and his relationship and upcoming nuptials to Mary Hannahsdatter as moral proprieties and social convention became the topic of conversation among the who’s who of Bethlehem. Discovering that Hannahsdatter was “just a little bit pregnant”, rumors have been flying that Jacobson planned to annul his highly touted advantageous engagement and wedding. Not intending to make a publicity circus, Jacobson planned a quiet dinner yesterday at the exclusive NU Food cuisine restaurant, The House of Bread, with Hannahsdatter and her family to discuss relational termination.

In an interview after leaving Bread, Jacobson stated, “Things were going well as we began our discussion after dinner and before dessert. Then Mary started talking about her dream life and ecstatic divine paranormal experiences. I thought she was stoned or just nuts. Things were getting out of control, and, frankly, I was hoping to avoid a scene, so I excused myself to give Mary and her family some time to get it together.”

Returning to the table, Jacobson appeared to reverse his decision. Mumbling that he wasn’t in his right mind, he granted he could see his way clear to go ahead with the agreed upon courtship and wedding after all.

Jacobson explained to this reporter, “I mean, I was standing there, in the men’s lounge taking care of things and trying to remain cool. I like to think of myself as a pretty righteous guy, and I was really het up about things. I mean, I thought that we had this exclusive relationship going, and then suddenly, it’s not? So, I thought that I was within my rights to dump her when it sort of came over me…. I don’t know how to describe it, but I thought, ‘What if she’s not lying?’ And suddenly I could see myself being the kid’s dad, and I even knew what we should name him. Strictly speaking, I know I should have gotten out of the relationship, but, somehow, it didn’t seem right anymore. And then, I just got this really calm feeling. I was so chill, and I knew it was the right thing. So I went back to the table and said so. So, we ordered dessert and talked about enamelware. Things are good with us. If it’s a boy we’re going to name the kid Joshua. You know, it just feels right, and, you’ve got to admit, there’s something about Mary.”

Right now, it looks like a June wedding is likely. The baby is expected sometime in December.

Editor: Peter Heide