Commencement Address

THE ANGELUS TRUMPET
The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts

Commencement Address

June 11, 28:16:20
by Matt Hughes

As we have promised, The Angelus Trumpet continues to report and analyze the activities of Josh Kristy and now his disciples.


Disconsolate since Kristy’s controversial trial which led to a verdict of treason and public execution, his followers have returned to the place where they say it all started. After Kristy’s alleged resurrection, which Temple Guards continue to contest, his devotees left Jerusalem and traveled to Galilee, returning to the scene of the crime, so to speak. I had followed them to the mountain clearing which was the site where a disreputable and plague-ridden crowd first stalked and then trapped Kristy. It is here that he shared his first fully-developed manifesto.


Thaddeus, one of Kristy’s droopy groupies, shared during the trek, “There seems to be little left to do. The movement is all but ended. All that’s left is this requiem journey; this one last blast of the past. We’re both consoling, and being consoled by, the people we meet along the way, passing on a word of hope where we can. After all, we have the words from the women claiming, He is risen and has gone ahead of us”. One can always hope, right? So, we’re heading back up there to the mountain. Oh, but the Temple Guards and the priests seem so confident….”


As the funereal pilgrimage moved on from city to village, it gathered followers who walked with the disciples for a while each day, recounting stories of Kristy’s work and the hopes they had had for the NU-world Kingdom of Dodd. I saw a handshake here, a hand on the shoulder there, sometimes a kiss of greeting and an embrace. And although there were times of laughter, mostly, people were subdued. Grimly determined, Kristy’s droopy groupies traveled by night, with a woeful countenance.


Reaching the iconic mountain where Kristy first spoke, where more than four thousand were healed and ate, this mountain where (with Peter, James and John) Kristy supposedly conversed with Moses and Elijah, where God’s voice was heard endorsing Kristy’s mission, and where, at the foot of this mountain, more than five thousand were fed with only two fish and five loaves of bread, Kristy’s followers began to search for the one who has allegedly conquered death.


As the pilgrims wandered disconsolately amid the detritus from earlier crowds—a piece of cloth, a broken sandal, fruit pits and fish bones everywhere—not to mention the worn patches still evident where people walked and sat, Kristy’s followers looked more like a docked puppy looking for its tail. They were on the mountain for several days before they seemed to find what they were looking for.


On Sunday, just as the sun crested the mountain, the droop dropped out of the group when Kristy’s followers gathered for worship. This small impassioned cohort gathered in one of the high mountain meadows. After rejoicing by singing some songs of praise and giving some individual testimonials recalling the high points of Kristy’s career, a man who could be Kristy’s doppelganger (dg) gave a powerful motivational speech recognizing that they had come to this place to find their roots.


But this dg declared that the time had come for his disciples to go out into the world. As the disciples had always had a relationship with one another, so now they were to introduce people to the relationship they have with God. The symbol of this new community of relationship with God and one another would be an adapted form of the baptism Jean Baptiste had used. They are also to keep and observe Kristy’s teachings and commands; that is, they are to practice ways of loving one another and the people God sends to them—to be agents of healing in a broken world, to build each other up rather than tear each other down; to visit the sick and the dying, the imprisoned; to clothe the naked, feed the hungry, give drink to the thirsty, care for the poor and welcome the stranger as a sister or brother.
The longer this reporter listened to this dg the more he seemed to take on the full identity of Kristy. I am may believe that the women outside the tomb were right after all.


Kristy continued, telling them that they had been studying for a long time now and they had passed the test. They had learned The Way. Through finding their way back to the mountain and talking with and sharing their remembrances of Kristy’s life and teachings, they had learned the value of NU Kingdom community, something that would go with them to the end of their lives. He assured them that he had been with them in their conversations and storytelling and he would continue to be with them to the very end.


Kristy said that this time they had together was going to be the last time all of them would be with one another because it was time to start something new. This time together could not be held onto; rather, this was the time for new ways of life to commence. His disciples were now to be the teachers. Starting now, they would travel the world meeting some fascinating people, and, at the end, they would die in the faith that had carried them to that place, but their death would not be the end of their relationship with one another.


Then, drawing himself up, he (Kristy, or maybe his doppelganger), told them to go. Go out into Galilee. Go into Judea. Go into all of Samaria. Go into all the corners of the Roman world. In doing this, Caesar’s world will be overcome, and the possibility of life lived in the presence of God’s love will become a reality.


At the end of his speech, Kristy blessed the food as he had before and then they ate together. After eating, the eleven came down the mountain. His followers appeared to be more focused and deliberate as they left. God only knows what kind of changes these ruffian rabbis might bring.