The Unexpurgated Source for Alternative Bible Facts
Hedge Fund Manipulations Contribute to Stone Cold Killing
by Matt Hughes & Izzy Proffet V
Dateline: New Jerusalem, PA, Oct. 8, 2017, 21:33:46
Kingdom of Dodd (KoD) CEO Josh Kristy announced yesterday that financial irregularities at KoD’s NU-Wine vineyards helped reveal the unscrupulous dealings of hedge fund manager, Inja Pokkette, of Reich & Reicher, LLC. The SEC has had Pokette under investigation for some time for allegedly receiving monies from several questionable sources, but the public did not suspect his alleged manipulation and the fund’s largely inflated values until this paper received a tip leading to evidence of contributions by Earth Vandals & Looters (EVaL 1).Dateline: New Jerusalem, PA, Oct. 8, 2017, 21:33:46
In addition, Pokette will soon be indicted for a personal pyramid scheme that has given him access to vast amounts of cash for other market manipulations. The full scope of his fraud is not known, but two days ago a number of his investors received unusual delays regarding fund redemption.
Today, in a desperate measure to evade arrest, Pokette attempted to leave the country after liquidating his holdings. His projected gains were $666 million from KoD alone. Early estimates of the total are minimally projecting $100 billion.
As federal agents attempted to peacefully detain Pokette at his offices, R & R’s security forces’ violent response caused one agent to be brutalized, one injured from office furniture being thrown, and one killed.
Additional agents were dispatched in response. A subsequent high-speed chase injured several more agents, some critically; and two died when, attempting to avoid pedestrians, the driver lost control of their vehicle and ran into a tree.
The final standoff was at the New Jerusalem airport where Pokette and several cohorts were captured after snipers shot out the tires of his private jet, but not before the Deputy Director became the final statistic. What started out to be a huge money maker at the expense of others by Pokette has resulted in a shameful display of arrogant disregard for life.
Phil Angis, an airport mechanic described the situation, “I don’t mean to point fingers, but the Deputy Director was going out to the plane when the door opened, and they just stone cold shot him. It wasn’t like they were going to be able to get away or anything, and still, they just stone cold shot him. I couldn’t believe it. What did they think they could possibly gain? What is the world coming to?”
It is uncertain as to whether all banking records will ever be uncovered, but investigation continues into who knew what when and how widespread the investment fraud goes. Pokette’s sale of KoD stock resulted in a significant plunge from an opening market price of $185 to a closing bell price of $65 for the day. Due to other robo-purchasing algorithms, KoD’s fall initiated a further market price cascade. Some are calling the result a catastrophic loss further challenging market stability. It is not known how long it might be before the market will be redeemed.
Josh Kristy remained hopeful in his comments regarding this attack on our markets when he said, “It is time to get back to doing what we do best. EVaL 1 and its confederates continue to use deceit and violence to take us down, but we are resilient. Each attack makes us more aware of EVaL 1’s desire to overcome us, but KoD’s work to continue in peace to make the world a better place for all will continue to prevail. In the meantime, our Nu-Wine vintages are ready for sale. We have some exceptional cabernets and merlots, a very fine port, a serviceable sherry, and what I think of as being a very satisfying Chablis. But this year you will have to forgive our zins. Next year will be better, I’m sure.”
